Remember how I used to blog?

Well this summer my life kind of completely changed and I'm still dealing with the aftermath.

So the blog isn't done or gone. But in case you can't tell.....the posts may be a little slow.

Long story short:

I'm still alive and kicking but I'm also forever changed.

No I didn't have a baby and I'm just not in the mood to put what's going on out in the internet for all to see. So just know that I'm all good and hopefully on my way to being even better.



XOXOXOXOX

Bran

10 years ago today

This little lady was born

If I remember correctly, it was a Saturday morning. I was 20 years old and my sophomore year at UGA had just finished up and I'd just moved back home from the dorms. Two days before Kailyn was born Kari and I tried to induce labor by watching the Exorcist. Instead we just had nightmares.

I went back to Athens on Friday June 1 - the plan was to hang out with some girlfriends, go downtown, abuse our fake IDs, the usual. Kari was going to spend the night at her boyfriend's house. The problem here is that Kari's parents didn't like her boyfriend and they definitely didn't like her staying over there. So she did the Kari thing and told them she was staying with me. She called my cell before I left for Athens and I told her in no uncertain terms "You better not have that baby this weekend."

FF to me having a crazy wild night - somewhere pictures exist. What I mostly remember is dancing on a bar - perhaps at Classic City Saloon? Perhaps at Flanagans? I also drank a lot. For those of you who know me personally, you know that 3 drinks is my limit. I overshot that by about 3 bottles of tequila that night.

I pass out circa 4am on a couch. My cell phone rings at 6.

"Bran....I'm having the baby"

"What? No. What?"

"I can't call my parents yet I need you to come here now!"

"I'm in ATHENS"

"Can you PLEASE get here?"

FF to me dragging myself to Marty (my '87 Honda Accord hatchback that got me thru college). I was still in my dress from the night before. One of the heels on these BCBG heels I LOVED was dangling by a thread and I couldn't remember for the life of me how that happened but thankfully there was always a pair of flip flops under the passenger seat.

How was I feeling at this moment? In one word: HORRIFIC. Kind of like I'd been punched in the face and the boobs and then the back for good measure. My brain was throbbing. My tummy felt like it was full of slime and fire. And I had to get gas.

I get of my exit on the Loop to get onto 78 (my fellow UGA alums will get this) and I felt a burp coming on. The burp turned into me barfing all over myself while pulling into the gas station. So I park it in front of a gas pump, expel the rest of my vom on the pavement outside my car and for the first and only time in my life, I took an Italian shower in the bathroom of a Shell station. I felt marginally better but I still had a 2 hour drive to contend with. I was still in Athens.

I'd also like to mention that I drove 55 the entire way because Marty was making me naush.

10am I pulled into the hospital lot. Kailyn had been born minutes before and when I went into the delivery room she was on a table looking around and when I came in she looked over at me.

And I fell in love and haven't stopped loving her since. The hangover, the Incident In Marty, the hellish drive from Athens to Stockbridge....I would have done it all a million times over as long as it ended with me walking into that room and her catching my eye.

I can't believe she's 10. Selfishly my first thought is: OH GOD I'M OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE A TEN YEAR OLD. But then I think...Holy shit she's growing up and she's not my little crazy baby who pretends to be a single mom of 3 and holds jobs at Ryans and Taco Bell. She is going to be an actual woman before I know it.

But bottom line is this: Kailyn Ciera Newton is one of the most awesome people I know. She's the reason I started doing comedy. Knowing that I'm going to see her puts me in a great mood. And I'm just so proud that she's related to me. The fact that she looks up to me fills my heart with so much joy I could burst.

Kailyn: So Bran, you know all my friends want to move to California or Paris or something. But not me...Girl I want to be in New York with you! I'm a New York girl

Okay I might cry.

I LOVE YOU KAILYN!!!

Edge of Glory

so Christos and I were ALMOST in a commercial.

But we weren't.


But our video is really good so enjoy it and share with friends!

Also if Lady Gaga happens to be googling: STEF WE LOVE YOU!!!







Edge of Glory
Starring Brandy and Christos
Shot on Brandy's iPad2
Styling by Chri$tone
Editing by Brandy

Doing things (that's what she said)

I'm doing a lot of things right now. The three biggest are

• Bad Romance at Bedlam
• DJing and hosting really fun NYC dance parties 
• starting a comedy band

Hence the lack of blogging. Also I feel like I don't have as much to say these days in blog form. I do tweet a lot though so you should follow me

(Yes it's protected don't worry I'll accept you)


So Bad Romance - it's at Bedlam and it's a GREAT show - we've been going strong since December and literally every show is so much fun!! I mean how can you not have fun in a classily decorated room that's also filled with taxidermy?

 

Perhaps you remember phonewalletkey? Well we're back and now we DJ. Our first party is this Saturday 4/30 - details below and you can rsvp here.

And the comedy band....well get ready. I finally have an iPad2 (long story another post perhaps) and it's changing my musical life. I'm in a band with 4 amazingly talented and funny people and we will be tearing this city up by midsummer. HOPE YOU CAN HANDLE IT!!!


So that's what's up.

I'm 30.

It happened.

Still alive.

Bragaga 3.0 was AMAZING.

Pics are here.

And here's my fav.

BORN THIS WAY.

OH MY GOD

I TURN 30 IN 24 DAYS.

Hence the lack of blogging recently. I'm going thru this little thing called Freaking The Fuck Out.

I'll be back with you soon. Getting a handle on it. (Trying to get a handle on it)

While I have an internal freakout, I'll leave you with something that makes me cry in a good way:

I mean how could Gaga BE any more awesome?

Also here's the official Bragaga 3.0 invite. I look pretty cool right? Thanks to Christos and Ari for styling and Amanda for making the invite!!

Yes, it's on a Sunday. Yes, I'm bringing in the DJ. Yes, I'll be making an actual Entrance. Yes, it's going to be amazing and honestly the only thing keeping me sane as the big 3-0 rears its psychological head. I'm sure I'll be just fine on March 29th. But right now, I'm in an ALL CAPS KIND OF PLACE.

Feb is FAB

Usually February sucks. There's January before it - land of lost resolutions, short days and long nights. And its followed by March - that month that fools you into thinking maybe it will get warm and then slaps you in the face with a blizzard. And February itself is just so.....cold and slushy.

But not this February. No....Feb 2011 is going to be amazing and this is why:

1. Robyn is on Saturday!! She's playing at Radio City, I'm going and I'm ridiculously excited. Body Talk Parts 1, 2 and 3 include some of the best tracks of the year. Criminal Intent and Dancing on My Own - I'm talking to you.
2. I get to dress up as Grace Jones! My friend is having a rock star themed bday party and I am going as Grace Jones. 
3. GAGA IS ON FEB 21ST AT MSG. I AM GOING. Does anything else really need to be said?
4. I ended January on a limobus dancing on a stripper pole inside said bus while it was parked in the middle of nowhere in Red Hook. GREAT EXPERIENCE
5. I'm hosting an amazing comedy show that just keeps getting better with every show. Feb 9th and Feb 23rd Bad Romance At Bedlam has great lineups and you should make a point to come out
6. At some point in February, I will be hosting a Just Dance 2 competition also at Bedlam. I can't rave enough about this game. Details to come but if you live in NYC you won't want to miss it.
7. BRAGAGA 3.0 IS SO CLOSE. The venue is booked, the costumes have been started and the buzz is abuzzin. March 27th 2011. Be there or be really effing lame doing something else
8. BORN THIS WAY DROPS ON FEB 13th. Lyrics are here. GAGA I HAVE NO WORDS. Except this: she's making a number one hit with the phrase "No matter gay, straight, or bi, Lesbian, transgendered life I’m on the right track baby I was born to survive." NO WORDS.

I'm also doing a set tonight at Tell Your Friends!! I'll be telling some new jokes and I'm REALLY excited.

Additionally, it's been snowing like crazy round these parts and I am so ready for winter to be over that I can literally taste the July sun. I'm not going to bitch and moan because unlike the rest of the world I realize that there are these things called "seasons" and they happen every year and there's never been a January/February that feels like August but I will say that I'm OVER IT.

But Feb is still going to be fab. Even if it is also covered in ice and snow.