This little lady was born
If I remember correctly, it was a Saturday morning. I was 20 years old and my sophomore year at UGA had just finished up and I'd just moved back home from the dorms. Two days before Kailyn was born Kari and I tried to induce labor by watching the Exorcist. Instead we just had nightmares.
I went back to Athens on Friday June 1 - the plan was to hang out with some girlfriends, go downtown, abuse our fake IDs, the usual. Kari was going to spend the night at her boyfriend's house. The problem here is that Kari's parents didn't like her boyfriend and they definitely didn't like her staying over there. So she did the Kari thing and told them she was staying with me. She called my cell before I left for Athens and I told her in no uncertain terms "You better not have that baby this weekend."
FF to me having a crazy wild night - somewhere pictures exist. What I mostly remember is dancing on a bar - perhaps at Classic City Saloon? Perhaps at Flanagans? I also drank a lot. For those of you who know me personally, you know that 3 drinks is my limit. I overshot that by about 3 bottles of tequila that night.
I pass out circa 4am on a couch. My cell phone rings at 6.
"Bran....I'm having the baby"
"What? No. What?"
"I can't call my parents yet I need you to come here now!"
"I'm in ATHENS"
"Can you PLEASE get here?"
FF to me dragging myself to Marty (my '87 Honda Accord hatchback that got me thru college). I was still in my dress from the night before. One of the heels on these BCBG heels I LOVED was dangling by a thread and I couldn't remember for the life of me how that happened but thankfully there was always a pair of flip flops under the passenger seat.
How was I feeling at this moment? In one word: HORRIFIC. Kind of like I'd been punched in the face and the boobs and then the back for good measure. My brain was throbbing. My tummy felt like it was full of slime and fire. And I had to get gas.
I get of my exit on the Loop to get onto 78 (my fellow UGA alums will get this) and I felt a burp coming on. The burp turned into me barfing all over myself while pulling into the gas station. So I park it in front of a gas pump, expel the rest of my vom on the pavement outside my car and for the first and only time in my life, I took an Italian shower in the bathroom of a Shell station. I felt marginally better but I still had a 2 hour drive to contend with. I was still in Athens.
I'd also like to mention that I drove 55 the entire way because Marty was making me naush.
10am I pulled into the hospital lot. Kailyn had been born minutes before and when I went into the delivery room she was on a table looking around and when I came in she looked over at me.
And I fell in love and haven't stopped loving her since. The hangover, the Incident In Marty, the hellish drive from Athens to Stockbridge....I would have done it all a million times over as long as it ended with me walking into that room and her catching my eye.
I can't believe she's 10. Selfishly my first thought is: OH GOD I'M OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE A TEN YEAR OLD. But then I think...Holy shit she's growing up and she's not my little crazy baby who pretends to be a single mom of 3 and holds jobs at Ryans and Taco Bell. She is going to be an actual woman before I know it.
But bottom line is this: Kailyn Ciera Newton is one of the most awesome people I know. She's the reason I started doing comedy. Knowing that I'm going to see her puts me in a great mood. And I'm just so proud that she's related to me. The fact that she looks up to me fills my heart with so much joy I could burst.
Kailyn: So Bran, you know all my friends want to move to California or Paris or something. But not me...Girl I want to be in New York with you! I'm a New York girl
Okay I might cry.
I LOVE YOU KAILYN!!!
