So when you find yourself on your couch at 8pm with a temperature of almost 102 degrees there are certain things you SHOULD do and many more things that you SHOULD NOT.
The Shoulds
1. Watch Extreme Makeover until the end. Yes, you need to see what they turn these people into no matter how much you make fun of reality TV
2. Eat from the random assortment of food choices in your apartment to avoid going outside to the store. If this means tuna fish and cream cheese on toast with a side of cheese puffs and chopped asparagus, roll with it.
3. Sit directly in front of the air conditioner and drink every last drop of water from the bottle of Evian your roommate left in the fridge.
4. Check your email obsessively even though you only really get emails during work hours.
5. Make sure your phone is not on silent. You just checked it and it was definitely on ring but check again just to make sure.
The Should Nots
1. Don't say yes to your really hot cute neighbor when he calls to ask if you want to smoke delicious apple-molasses flavored tobacco out of his new hookah. Your throat hurts, remember?
2. Don't tell yourself on your way down the stairs that it's fine that your temperature is over 100. You have your bottle of water and smoking a little will be fun. You need to relax.
3. Don't smoke out of that hookah for an hour and a half while getting increasingly more fucked up and also watching Hooking Up, that new show on ABC and silently wondering if that's how retarded you looked during that series of internet dates you tried last winter.
4. Don't continue to smoke after that show goes off and then turn to the Chappelle Show. You know you won't want to leave until it's over. And if the hookah's still going you can't just stop. You always finish what you start. That's why you're a winner.
5. Don't wander aimlessly back up to your apartment and take your temperature again. It's still over 100. Oh dear-now it's 101.
6. Think twice about making that Stouffer's French Bread pizza. Yes, it is tasty but it's going to take 30 minutes in the stove and you are hungry now. Actually--it's okay. Seinfeld is on and your roommate just called to say she's buying cheese and crackers at the deli downstairs. Yum. You can eat that too.
Heed my advice and maybe unlike myself, you won't still be sick the next day.
1 comments:
Isn't it depressing when you've got a fever and you're still at a lower temp. than it is outside?
It's HOT down here too.
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