....to watch American Idol. I just can't believe these people are serious. This one guy just CRIED. He went in with a fake Jamaican accent and when they axed him he had the nerve to cry.
And there is something about Ryan Seacrest that makes me want to bang my head into a wall. If I was his bartender I would totally hock a huge loogie into his Sex on the Beach.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Cheese Puffs
I just bought a big bag of cheese puffs at Duane Reade.
I came back to the office and generously offered my snack to my coworkers.
I was busy in the back doing some fun computer work stuff and when I returned to my desk I saw this on the way.
My boss ate ALL of my cheese puffs.
I came back to the office and generously offered my snack to my coworkers.
I was busy in the back doing some fun computer work stuff and when I returned to my desk I saw this on the way.
My boss ate ALL of my cheese puffs.
I Love Celeb Arrests
Especially when the article specifically mentions that the celeb in question threatened to MOLEST HER NEIGHBOR'S DOG.
You can read and laugh about it here.
And in other celeb news: Lindsay Lohan had to get stitches!! Apparently she was just getting out of the shower and she slipped and fell down with a cermaic teacup in her hands! Linds was just making some breakfast with her friends and then she's in the hospital with ten stitches in her shin.
I think there's a real story to this and I think it involves cocaine and a whip.
You can read and laugh about it here.
And in other celeb news: Lindsay Lohan had to get stitches!! Apparently she was just getting out of the shower and she slipped and fell down with a cermaic teacup in her hands! Linds was just making some breakfast with her friends and then she's in the hospital with ten stitches in her shin.
I think there's a real story to this and I think it involves cocaine and a whip.
Thanks Myspace Friends
For posting this particular piece of EXTREME MORBID WEIRDNESS
I feel that since I did repost this on my blog, the ghost won't kill me. And to whoever started this little chain letter--I hope this ghost KICKS YOUR SORRY ASS. Please get a life.
I feel that since I did repost this on my blog, the ghost won't kill me. And to whoever started this little chain letter--I hope this ghost KICKS YOUR SORRY ASS. Please get a life.
Monday, January 30, 2006
What Brandy Wants In A Man
Sometimes when I'm IMing I find a little piece of myself. And what I want out of life. Technology is SO rockin.
Who loves funny links?
Especially when the people who make the links don't know that the links are hilarious because they are too busy loving Jesus and staying on the fast track to heaven, which is apparently paved in child molester priests and extreme right Republicans.
I am from the South
Something Lame
I was just on Friendster adding some photos to my profile because I'm bored out of my mind right now and it's beautiful outside but I'm stuck in here.
But anyway--after you upload you get this little message whihc I am convinced is one of the lamest things I've seen today. Click on it to get the full effect. And then decide for yourself how lame it is.
To all my friends on Friendster: If I ever get an update like this I'll delete you from my list. I pride myself on not having lame friends. Sometimes a girl has to get harsh.
But anyway--after you upload you get this little message whihc I am convinced is one of the lamest things I've seen today. Click on it to get the full effect. And then decide for yourself how lame it is.
To all my friends on Friendster: If I ever get an update like this I'll delete you from my list. I pride myself on not having lame friends. Sometimes a girl has to get harsh.
I am an artist
Or at least I like to think I am. I call this one:
It's an exercise in self-potraiture with my $60 digital camera from Wal-Mart. So Awesome.
"I Don't Remember What I Did Last Night"
It's an exercise in self-potraiture with my $60 digital camera from Wal-Mart. So Awesome.
Something New
This weekend I saw a sneak preview of the romantic comedy "Something New." I knew from the preview that I would love this movie. It's about a successful early 30something Strong Black Woman who works a Demanding Job In A White World. She gets set up on a blind date with a HOT WHITE GUY and hyjinks ensue.
I thought the movie was completely cute and I loved that once again I scammed the system and bought a child's ticket to get in. However, there were some pretty farfetched situations which I will take the opportunity to rant about right now.
1) The lead's name is Kenya yet her mother is clearly an Uncle Tom. Which means that her name should have been Jennifer or Jessica. Or perhaps Tiffany or Ashley.
2) Kenya is set up on two blind dates in the movie. One with the white guy--played by the INCREDIBLY HOT Simon Baker and the second with a black guy--Mr. I'm-SO-FINE Blair Underwood. Everyone knows that blind dates never turn out this hot and successful
3) At one point she's out on a date with Blair Underwood and he actually says, "So how's it going working in the white man's world? Damn that old black tax." Hi guys--I'm black. I've gone on lots of dates with black guys. And not once have either myself or my black man date brought up the subject of "working in the white man's world." Contrary to popular belief blacks don't just sit around and talk about how much we hate white people. Only at family reunions does that kind of fun filled banter come about.
4) Perhaps the funniest part of the movie was when The Hot White Guy asked her to take out her weave and our main character flipped out. Note to all white guys: Don't EVER ask us about our weave. We got this shit to look good and real. So shut the fucxk up about wanting us to keep it natural.
I thought the movie was completely cute and I loved that once again I scammed the system and bought a child's ticket to get in. However, there were some pretty farfetched situations which I will take the opportunity to rant about right now.
1) The lead's name is Kenya yet her mother is clearly an Uncle Tom. Which means that her name should have been Jennifer or Jessica. Or perhaps Tiffany or Ashley.
2) Kenya is set up on two blind dates in the movie. One with the white guy--played by the INCREDIBLY HOT Simon Baker and the second with a black guy--Mr. I'm-SO-FINE Blair Underwood. Everyone knows that blind dates never turn out this hot and successful
3) At one point she's out on a date with Blair Underwood and he actually says, "So how's it going working in the white man's world? Damn that old black tax." Hi guys--I'm black. I've gone on lots of dates with black guys. And not once have either myself or my black man date brought up the subject of "working in the white man's world." Contrary to popular belief blacks don't just sit around and talk about how much we hate white people. Only at family reunions does that kind of fun filled banter come about.
4) Perhaps the funniest part of the movie was when The Hot White Guy asked her to take out her weave and our main character flipped out. Note to all white guys: Don't EVER ask us about our weave. We got this shit to look good and real. So shut the fucxk up about wanting us to keep it natural.
Straight and Single
Let's be honest. If the words straight and single are used in a sentence to describe a guy I'll probably go out with him.
Don't worry, I have standards. I won't go out with someone just because he's single and straight. But those are two pretty big pluses.
Don't worry, I have standards. I won't go out with someone just because he's single and straight. But those are two pretty big pluses.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Who knew?
A Walk To Remember is a really good movie!
For some odd reason, I awoke at 9am on this fair Saturday and TBS is doing me right with their
Movie and A Makeover selections. Currently I am hooked to A Walk To Remember and I may have to go and buy this fabulous film on DVD today. I take back any mean thing I ever said about Mandy Moore--she doesn't look like a giraffe-horse hybrid, she's completely precious. And the guy playing the lead looks like the obsession of my college youth, Mr. Dan Shaughnessy. The soundtrack is pretty fantastic too. I can't believe I'm just now discovering this gem!
Wait. WAIT!!! She just confessed that she has leukemia!!! OH NO!! She can't die! Why didn't she tell him? Mandy, Mandy, he deserved to know!!
For some odd reason, I awoke at 9am on this fair Saturday and TBS is doing me right with their
Movie and A Makeover selections. Currently I am hooked to A Walk To Remember and I may have to go and buy this fabulous film on DVD today. I take back any mean thing I ever said about Mandy Moore--she doesn't look like a giraffe-horse hybrid, she's completely precious. And the guy playing the lead looks like the obsession of my college youth, Mr. Dan Shaughnessy. The soundtrack is pretty fantastic too. I can't believe I'm just now discovering this gem!
Wait. WAIT!!! She just confessed that she has leukemia!!! OH NO!! She can't die! Why didn't she tell him? Mandy, Mandy, he deserved to know!!
Friday, January 27, 2006
The South will rise again
New Orleans could lose almost 80% of its black population because of Hurricane Katrina, according to this study.
Apparently all the Confederacy needed to win this thing way back when was a catastrophic natural disaster.
Apparently all the Confederacy needed to win this thing way back when was a catastrophic natural disaster.
I'm changing my picture post haste.
It looks like he's holding a gun to me.
I'm posting a different picture of myself on Myspace because the one up now is getting a little too much attention.
Sunny Days
I love the sun. I was born and bred in a land of sun and humidity and since forsaking my roots for this frigid cold city called New York, I find myself basking in even the smallest amount of those wonderful rays.
Today it's not hot out but the sun is shining and making me NOT want to be at work. In fact I'd like to have my computer at a coffee shop in my fabulous neighborhood sitting by a big picture window. I'd just be typing away at something brilliant when suddenly I'd look up and see Mr. Hot walking past. He turns to look at me at the same time and something (perhaps my innate amazingness) causes him to come into the coffee shop for a latte. We start chatting and that's all she wrote: we have a great meeting story for the grandkids.
Unfortunately this is mere fantasy. I'm at work and by the time I get off the sun will be a memory. But making up stories about what could and should be happening right now helps my day go by faster.
Don't judge a dreamer.
Today it's not hot out but the sun is shining and making me NOT want to be at work. In fact I'd like to have my computer at a coffee shop in my fabulous neighborhood sitting by a big picture window. I'd just be typing away at something brilliant when suddenly I'd look up and see Mr. Hot walking past. He turns to look at me at the same time and something (perhaps my innate amazingness) causes him to come into the coffee shop for a latte. We start chatting and that's all she wrote: we have a great meeting story for the grandkids.
Unfortunately this is mere fantasy. I'm at work and by the time I get off the sun will be a memory. But making up stories about what could and should be happening right now helps my day go by faster.
Don't judge a dreamer.
More interesting facts about me
Because we're all voyeurs at heart, here are some more fun facts about Brandy.
--I used to practice kissing on my bed post
--I really like babies.
--I'm totally into the color teal. I have many teal colored things.
--I usually throw up if I have more than 4 beers, but once I barf I feel great again and drink more
--I once yelled out Leonardo DiCaprio's name during sex. I was not having sex with Leo DiCaprio
--My ideal boob size is 34C. But I think they've stopped growing
--I pace when I talk on the phone
--I love the chocolate between the wafers on KitKats and I wish I could buy it by the bottle
--When G Love and The Special Sauce comes on my ipod I start to strut no matter where I am
--I can do a People Magazine crossword in under ten minutes
--I used to practice kissing on my bed post
--I really like babies.
--I'm totally into the color teal. I have many teal colored things.
--I usually throw up if I have more than 4 beers, but once I barf I feel great again and drink more
--I once yelled out Leonardo DiCaprio's name during sex. I was not having sex with Leo DiCaprio
--My ideal boob size is 34C. But I think they've stopped growing
--I pace when I talk on the phone
--I love the chocolate between the wafers on KitKats and I wish I could buy it by the bottle
--When G Love and The Special Sauce comes on my ipod I start to strut no matter where I am
--I can do a People Magazine crossword in under ten minutes
Wine Hangover
I drank too much again last night. Big surprise. But friends, it is Friday and everyone knows that Friday is my all time favorite day of the week.
Also this was in my Myspace inbox this fair morn.
I mean, of course I love getting bulk spam Myspace messages from strangers! It's one of the reasons I signed up in the first place. I'm just really glad that this guy took the time to look out for his homegirl.
I'd like to know if other people get these weird messages. Because although I like to feel special, I would gladly be one of the sheep if that means I won't have an inbox cluttered with bullshit.
Wine hangovers are the worst. It's kind of like my head is full of cotton. Slightly damp cotton. And I'm hungry but I have a sneaking suspicsion that anything that goes into my stomach right now will be barfed right back up. My eyes are throbbing. My mouth feels like maybe something died in my throat. And I still have 6 hours left at work.
All I have to say is this (recently swiped from an AIM convo) "keep it crunk my punk[s]."
I added the [s].
Also this was in my Myspace inbox this fair morn.
I mean, of course I love getting bulk spam Myspace messages from strangers! It's one of the reasons I signed up in the first place. I'm just really glad that this guy took the time to look out for his homegirl.
I'd like to know if other people get these weird messages. Because although I like to feel special, I would gladly be one of the sheep if that means I won't have an inbox cluttered with bullshit.
Wine hangovers are the worst. It's kind of like my head is full of cotton. Slightly damp cotton. And I'm hungry but I have a sneaking suspicsion that anything that goes into my stomach right now will be barfed right back up. My eyes are throbbing. My mouth feels like maybe something died in my throat. And I still have 6 hours left at work.
All I have to say is this (recently swiped from an AIM convo) "keep it crunk my punk[s]."
I added the [s].
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Dad, This is my boyfriend--Big Worm
I love a man who has a way with words like this guy does. I mean, I'm flattered , I'm blushing. He's just so....so sweet. And I'm so....so nice.
I also like that I can't see his face. Just that awesome body he's flexing out. SO HOT. And lucky for me, he's "Online Now!"
And I don't know why they call him Big Worm, but kids, I can't WAIT to find out.
PS: Sometimes the weight of my own sarcasm suffocates me.
Thanks for the ads, Gmail
So today I'm checking my email and for those of you who are lucky enough to get invited to have a gmail account, you may have noticed that there now links to articles and ads and stuff right above the email messages. So I'm deleting my spam folder and I notice this link.
True, it's disgusting. But for a minute I kind of wanted to taste it.
When I was younger my favorite meal was Spamghetti, a recipe passed from my grandmother to my mother to me. All you need is spaghetti, a can of Spam (cube it up please), cream of mushroom soup, and some sliced American cheese cut into little squares. Cook the spaghetti and then add in the rest of the ingredients after straining the water off the noodles. Bring to a slight boil.
ENJOY.
My brother and I thought that was the best meal on earth. We were country children. Country children who thought that both Spam and vienna saugages were DELICIOUS.
True, it's disgusting. But for a minute I kind of wanted to taste it.
When I was younger my favorite meal was Spamghetti, a recipe passed from my grandmother to my mother to me. All you need is spaghetti, a can of Spam (cube it up please), cream of mushroom soup, and some sliced American cheese cut into little squares. Cook the spaghetti and then add in the rest of the ingredients after straining the water off the noodles. Bring to a slight boil.
ENJOY.
My brother and I thought that was the best meal on earth. We were country children. Country children who thought that both Spam and vienna saugages were DELICIOUS.
You Can Take The Girl Out Of The Trailer
But you can't take the trailer out of the girl.
I've never had much respect for Britney Spears but I have three of her albums and I'm that girl that gets all excited when the DJ blares "I'm a Slave 4 U." I know she can't sing and that she's only vaguely cute. So, no, I don't think that Brit and I would be friends if given the opportunity but I still wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
Trash finds trash. And then they have babies.
I've never had much respect for Britney Spears but I have three of her albums and I'm that girl that gets all excited when the DJ blares "I'm a Slave 4 U." I know she can't sing and that she's only vaguely cute. So, no, I don't think that Brit and I would be friends if given the opportunity but I still wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
Trash finds trash. And then they have babies.
Am I Invited?
I mean, obviously it's going to be THE party of the season.
Sometimes I wish I was Jewish so I'd have a really great bat mitzvah story.
Sometimes I wish I was Jewish so I'd have a really great bat mitzvah story.
It Can Happen
I can't say exactly yet what happened. But just know that it did happen. Ladies, if you want it, I'm here to tell you, you can get it.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Fingerbanging anyone?
Don't you love how I blurred out the guy's name? No need for him to happen to read this and see that I'm going to call rape when he tries to fingerbang me. Because I at least want him to try and fingerbang me.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
An Email, Decoded
All right. One more post on the stupid email I got yesterday and I'll be over it. I just need to make fun of it one more time and then I'll recycle it and put the joke in my standup routine.
The email will be in bold. My response in italics.
Essentially this is a "Don't call me anymore because I'm seeing someone now even though I still call you when you're seeing someone" email written in haiku form by someone who doesn't know what haiku form is.
have a girlfriend now
oh really? I have a couple of texts from you that your girlfriend wouldn't be happy to get a hold of friend.
tryin to be good
does "being good" mean we can't have sex anymore? because I'm fine with that. in fact I'd like to strike from the record that we ever had sex at all.
who knows how long these things last.
way to give yourself an out. do me a favor--go ahead and delete my number now so that I won't get any calls when she kicks your sorry ass to the curb.
stay naughty
gross. I never said this to you while we were dating but I did always remember that you're old enough to have gone to high school with my dad.
The End folks. The End.
The email will be in bold. My response in italics.
Essentially this is a "Don't call me anymore because I'm seeing someone now even though I still call you when you're seeing someone" email written in haiku form by someone who doesn't know what haiku form is.
have a girlfriend now
oh really? I have a couple of texts from you that your girlfriend wouldn't be happy to get a hold of friend.
tryin to be good
does "being good" mean we can't have sex anymore? because I'm fine with that. in fact I'd like to strike from the record that we ever had sex at all.
who knows how long these things last.
way to give yourself an out. do me a favor--go ahead and delete my number now so that I won't get any calls when she kicks your sorry ass to the curb.
stay naughty
gross. I never said this to you while we were dating but I did always remember that you're old enough to have gone to high school with my dad.
The End folks. The End.
A Rather Full Weekend
Friday, I brought home a narc from the DEA with whom I am forced to withhold a significant part of my past and to some extent, my present life. I will always have to pretend that I'm "just drunk" around him.
Saturday one of those guys I'd given up on decides to get in touch and now we're going to hang out tomorrow. His number had been deleted from my phone in a moment of strength on New Years Eve but apparently he's hip with how cool I am and he wants to hang out.
Sunday afternoon I met a guy who I swear told me last week that he has a wife and a baby but Sunday he was DEFINITELY asking me to come home with him. This guy also happens to hold a record in the Guinness book but I don't feel at liberty to say what for at this point just in case something happens with him.
Sunday night my celeb crush FINALLY notices me yet suddenly I happen to notice that he's MISSING A MOLAR.
And then Monday comes along and after a particularly hard day at work, I find an email from a guy I haven't heard from in months telling me that he has a girlfriend now but that I need to "stay naughty."
Who knows what Tuesday will bring.
PS: On a more interesting note--January 23rd has been named the most depressing day of the year. Only fitting that it was raining and disgusting out yeserday right?
Saturday one of those guys I'd given up on decides to get in touch and now we're going to hang out tomorrow. His number had been deleted from my phone in a moment of strength on New Years Eve but apparently he's hip with how cool I am and he wants to hang out.
Sunday afternoon I met a guy who I swear told me last week that he has a wife and a baby but Sunday he was DEFINITELY asking me to come home with him. This guy also happens to hold a record in the Guinness book but I don't feel at liberty to say what for at this point just in case something happens with him.
Sunday night my celeb crush FINALLY notices me yet suddenly I happen to notice that he's MISSING A MOLAR.
And then Monday comes along and after a particularly hard day at work, I find an email from a guy I haven't heard from in months telling me that he has a girlfriend now but that I need to "stay naughty."
Who knows what Tuesday will bring.
PS: On a more interesting note--January 23rd has been named the most depressing day of the year. Only fitting that it was raining and disgusting out yeserday right?
Monday, January 23, 2006
Just for kicks
Just when you think that maybe the sun will come out tomorrow, dicky guys you used to date a lifetime ago in the winter and early spring of 2005 decide to email you unannounced and not as a follow up to any correspondance you started. And the emails go a little like this:
A part of me is tempted to put his name but I won't because underneath it all, I'm a really nice person. I will however let everyone in on the fact that this asshole has a girlfriend yet HE is the one who's been texting ME wanting to hang out.
UGH.
A part of me is tempted to put his name but I won't because underneath it all, I'm a really nice person. I will however let everyone in on the fact that this asshole has a girlfriend yet HE is the one who's been texting ME wanting to hang out.
UGH.
Always a surprise
...when you find out that your celebrity crush is missing a molar. And that even though you've been obsessed for like five months, YOU NEVER NOTICED BEFORE.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Just in case...
...you were thinking of getting me candy for Valentine's Day, here's a list of what I DON'T like.
--Three Muskateers
--Milky Way
--Zero
--100 Grand
Anything with nougat or caramel SUCKS. I'm a straight up girl. I like chocolate and nuts.
--Three Muskateers
--Milky Way
--Zero
--100 Grand
Anything with nougat or caramel SUCKS. I'm a straight up girl. I like chocolate and nuts.
60 Degree Saturdays
While everyone else is viewing this rash of unseasonably warm weather as an anomaly, I see it as a taste of home. In Georgia, 60 degrees is considered chilly and it's January weather.
So I'm home enjoying the fact that it's the weekend and Indecent Proposal is on TBS. I've got on my housepants and I have a feeling I may even decide to pluck my eyebrows.
So I'm home enjoying the fact that it's the weekend and Indecent Proposal is on TBS. I've got on my housepants and I have a feeling I may even decide to pluck my eyebrows.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Love it
I just got an email and it was signed
"peaceandbalance"
So lame but I'm totally going to start using it.
"peaceandbalance"
So lame but I'm totally going to start using it.
I think he's for real
But I'll let you decide for yourself. Here's one of the last email from the Craigslist personal I put uo for shits and giggles the other day. My post was only a few lines long but apparently many guys are so in tune to special girls that they know from just a word or two if you're right.
I was tempted to reply with "Sorry, I only date guys who have a full grasp of the English language. I can't handle people who don't understand that apostrophes and commas are our friends. Also, wasn't a big fan of the Love Connection allusion. Thanks, Brandy. PS--you might want to try working on making your sentences actual sentences. This involves a noun and a verb."
I was tempted to reply with "Sorry, I only date guys who have a full grasp of the English language. I can't handle people who don't understand that apostrophes and commas are our friends. Also, wasn't a big fan of the Love Connection allusion. Thanks, Brandy. PS--you might want to try working on making your sentences actual sentences. This involves a noun and a verb."
Feminism Failed?
Taken from another fabulous IM conversation today.
PS--He types WAY faster than I do, hence my lack of timely responses.
PPS--for those of you who still don't know, I am the bacon.
PS--He types WAY faster than I do, hence my lack of timely responses.
PPS--for those of you who still don't know, I am the bacon.
A Little Self-Esteem Help From Brandy
Growing up I had huge glasses, I hit the 5'8 mark at age ten and I weighed in at a very skinny 110 pounds. I had long skinny legs, no boobs, and I talked a lot.
I was sure that I was THE HOTTEST GAL on the scene. I didn't have a single boyfriend all through high school but I was still sure that I rocked.
I suffer from what's called High Self-Esteem. It's an affliction my fellow ladies need to get hip with. Before you can expect any guy to think you're worth a damn, you have to think you're worth a damn.
I'm sick of hearing about how fat, ugly, and acne filled you are and about how no guys ever ask you out. Before any more of my girlfriends decide to complain to me about any of this I want you ladies to go and take a look in the mirror. Until you can look at your reflection and be satisfied with what you see, there is nothing I can tell you to make you feel good. You think you're fat? Stop eating cheese puffs. Acne? Wash the makeup off your face after going out. Ugly? Put on a smile and think of something happy. No men? Go out and radiate confidence and see if that doesn't get you some attention,
It's not just about looks. Give guys some credit--maybe they want to see if you're funny, or have a cool talent, or maybe you're a good conversationalist.
But for Christ's sake, stop obssessing over looks. We're not all Victoria's Secret models. So get over it, love yourself and then maybe the Mr. Right you're looking for will come along.
Repeat after me: "I am awesome." Say it til you believe it.
I was sure that I was THE HOTTEST GAL on the scene. I didn't have a single boyfriend all through high school but I was still sure that I rocked.
I suffer from what's called High Self-Esteem. It's an affliction my fellow ladies need to get hip with. Before you can expect any guy to think you're worth a damn, you have to think you're worth a damn.
I'm sick of hearing about how fat, ugly, and acne filled you are and about how no guys ever ask you out. Before any more of my girlfriends decide to complain to me about any of this I want you ladies to go and take a look in the mirror. Until you can look at your reflection and be satisfied with what you see, there is nothing I can tell you to make you feel good. You think you're fat? Stop eating cheese puffs. Acne? Wash the makeup off your face after going out. Ugly? Put on a smile and think of something happy. No men? Go out and radiate confidence and see if that doesn't get you some attention,
It's not just about looks. Give guys some credit--maybe they want to see if you're funny, or have a cool talent, or maybe you're a good conversationalist.
But for Christ's sake, stop obssessing over looks. We're not all Victoria's Secret models. So get over it, love yourself and then maybe the Mr. Right you're looking for will come along.
Repeat after me: "I am awesome." Say it til you believe it.
FYI
Zack Morris is half-Indonesian. I have it from one of the world's most reliable sources. An IM conversation with my friend Brian.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
I'm not lying
I really did do standup last night! And it went fabulously. And lots of people laughed.
I would like to take this moment to let all of you guys who always read my blog know that since I will probably be pretty famous soon I will remember that you knew me when and you can totally name drop with my name.
Here's me.
PS: I hope everyone reading this knows that I pepper all of my posts with healthy heapings of sarcasm. Except for the part about me being funny. Because I am.
I would like to take this moment to let all of you guys who always read my blog know that since I will probably be pretty famous soon I will remember that you knew me when and you can totally name drop with my name.
Here's me.
PS: I hope everyone reading this knows that I pepper all of my posts with healthy heapings of sarcasm. Except for the part about me being funny. Because I am.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Fun on Craigslist
So yesterday, in the midst of the worst day ever, I decided to have some lighthearted fun and place an ad on Craigslist. I needed some funny inane emails to get me through the afternoon. So I placed an ad inquiring about the location of this week's SNL after-party because I am bound and determined to meet Andy Samberg. And this was one of the responses that I got. I think it was the funniest one actually because it has nothing to do with comedians or afterparties. And this guy is just assuming that since I posted on Craigslist, I must be pretty hot. Since most of the people who put ads out are smoking hot and all.
PS--you'll have to click on the pic so you can read the email.
Pirates of Downtown Manhattan
I saw this on my way to work yesterday. I don't know if you can really make it out, but that's a PIRATE FLAG flying atop this building right off Houston Street.
A pirate flag. I'm pretty sure I love whoever put that up.
Found you!!
You know Myspace is bringing people together when you're surfing through people's profiles and come across the man you lost your virginity to and you send him an invite to be your friend. And he accepts.
Sometimes I wish Myspace had TV commercials.
Sometimes I wish Myspace had TV commercials.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
STAND UP
That's right. Yours truly will be performing for the first time tomorrow night!
The Duplex
61 Christopher Street @7th Ave South
7pm
FREE (unless you are my first friend to arrive. Then you have to buy a drink. Don't sweat the details)
I am very nervous and even though I had an absolutely horrid day, I am still really excited for tomorrow. I promise to have more fab original material for this here blog soon. Work is "kicking my ass" as the old timers say and time, she's scarce these days. (As is my "paid for" internet connection at my apartment.)
I will be back in full force soon and I'll have a complete update on my foray into standup as well as a VERY interesting story about me, my cousins, and an ultrasound.
The Duplex
61 Christopher Street @7th Ave South
7pm
FREE (unless you are my first friend to arrive. Then you have to buy a drink. Don't sweat the details)
I am very nervous and even though I had an absolutely horrid day, I am still really excited for tomorrow. I promise to have more fab original material for this here blog soon. Work is "kicking my ass" as the old timers say and time, she's scarce these days. (As is my "paid for" internet connection at my apartment.)
I will be back in full force soon and I'll have a complete update on my foray into standup as well as a VERY interesting story about me, my cousins, and an ultrasound.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Something New
It's time for a new segment on my blog. It's called "What is in Brandy's fridge?"
Here's the answer.
As you can tell, my roommate and I are on a cottage cheese and Pabst Blue Ribbon diet. Mixed with syrup and skim milk of course.
Now you know why we're SO THIN.
Here's the answer.
As you can tell, my roommate and I are on a cottage cheese and Pabst Blue Ribbon diet. Mixed with syrup and skim milk of course.Now you know why we're SO THIN.
Some Bullet Points
To do (for a Saturday night):
--Pour the wax of ten candles all over your body while fully clothed
--Dump the contents of a full vodka tonic over your head and boogie down to the floor during the chorus of "Golddigger."
--Last but not least, end the night by peeing in a dumpster on Stanton Street.
--Pour the wax of ten candles all over your body while fully clothed
--Dump the contents of a full vodka tonic over your head and boogie down to the floor during the chorus of "Golddigger."
--Last but not least, end the night by peeing in a dumpster on Stanton Street.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Is she really?
I mean, I guess so. Lindsay L is a true mean girl.
But what I don't understand about this is WHY? Why would she write that on the wall knowing people would know that she did it? And most importantly, what did Scarlett do to warrant this kind of remark?
Come on ladies, let's just all get along. If it's going to be anyone, let me take the low road and be the one to write "CUNT" in Sharpie on bathroom walls.
But what I don't understand about this is WHY? Why would she write that on the wall knowing people would know that she did it? And most importantly, what did Scarlett do to warrant this kind of remark?
Come on ladies, let's just all get along. If it's going to be anyone, let me take the low road and be the one to write "CUNT" in Sharpie on bathroom walls.
Friday, January 13, 2006
Some Friday Nights
Some Friday nights are meant to be spent with friends, some beer, and the original Parent Trap.
Holla.
Holla.
Friday the 13th
Apologies everyone. I have been slammed at work and going right on out to party as soon as I get home thus leaving no time for blogging.
Speaking of work, I'm STILL here. It's 7:30 and I have no idea when I'll be able to leave. I am so hungover I can't believe I'm still alive. And I'm so tired, it's surprising I haven't tried to catch a cat nap at some point today.
It's Friday the 13th and while part of me feels that I should be doing something fitting like seeing a scary movie, another part of me wants to rent Beaches and binge eat on my couch.
Update later on what I decide.
PS: I will begin my stand up career next week. I am nervous and excited. Details to come.
Speaking of work, I'm STILL here. It's 7:30 and I have no idea when I'll be able to leave. I am so hungover I can't believe I'm still alive. And I'm so tired, it's surprising I haven't tried to catch a cat nap at some point today.
It's Friday the 13th and while part of me feels that I should be doing something fitting like seeing a scary movie, another part of me wants to rent Beaches and binge eat on my couch.
Update later on what I decide.
PS: I will begin my stand up career next week. I am nervous and excited. Details to come.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
From the corner of Houston and Avenue A
A pimped out Nissan with two Latino guys inside BLARING "Come to my Window" by Melissa Etheridge.
PS It's okay to laugh.
PS It's okay to laugh.
I saw it first
23rd and 6th, I was going to the F train. And I saw this bike messenger get SLAMMED by taxi going straight on 23rd Street.
Those guys are made out of some sturdy material because that guy got the shit knocked out of him and he just got on up, picked up his bike and rolled on up Sixth Avenue. And the cabbie just kept going.
Those guys are made out of some sturdy material because that guy got the shit knocked out of him and he just got on up, picked up his bike and rolled on up Sixth Avenue. And the cabbie just kept going.
Quote of the Day
"You had your chance. You're the one who fell asleep with your fingers in my snatch."
--Kristyn Macready discussing an undisclosed man via telephone conversation with Brandy Crawford.
--Kristyn Macready discussing an undisclosed man via telephone conversation with Brandy Crawford.
The Liquor House
Here's a long overdue story from my completely hilarious Christmas sojourn in the backwoods of Georgia.
Christmas night:
My family's Christmas tradition is as follows: Breakfast at my mom's mom's or at one of my mom's sister's places. Early afternoon dinner at my dad's mom's. Late dinner/appetizers and snacks at my mom's mom's. This year we had appetizers at my cousin's house. This same cousin is the mother of that beautiful kid I'm always posting pictures of.
But anyway--it's Christmas night and we realize that because my cousin is slightly dense at times, we only have ONE BOTTLE OF RUM. New York has turned me into a complete alcoholic so this liquor situation was a detriment to my well-being. Unfortunately, it's Christmas Day and it's a Sunday. So that's two problems: You can't buy alcohol on Sundays in Georgia and even if you could it's a holiday and there's precious few Non-Christmas-Celebrators where I come from so everything was closed anyway.
My cousin's solution? "We'll just go to the liquor house."
"The what?" I reply.
"The liquor house. You want to drive?"
My head was a little cloudy from two pina coladas and more than a little smoking fun in the garage.
"What is this? Prohibition?" I ask.
My cousin gives me a look which says, "Stop it with the academic terms asshole."
So we load up my car and head to the infamous liquor house. Now I need to let you in on the cast of characters for this merry adventure.
Brandy: The Nervous Driver. Never has done well on roads at night when other cars are present
Kari: The Instigator. Also completely ghetto fabulous. Once told a man she met at a bar that if she'd known she'd be meeting someone that fine, she would have worn her good weave.
Walter and Alan: Kari's cousins on her dad's side. Think Cosby sweaters and Georgetown. The New Black Man. Very clean cut and soap scrubbed. But definitely sporting Cosby sweaters and BAs from prestigious universities.
So we're all cruising down to the liquor house in my pretty nice Acura and Kari is giving directions. "All right y'all," Kari says. "Just let me do the talking. Y'all talk too white and I'm not trying to get my ass kicked on Christmas right now."
The first driveway we pull into is completely empty. The house is shuttered and I notice that there may or may not be yellow tape on the front door.
"Is that police tape?" asks Walter. "That definitely looks like police tape."
"Okay, Bran. Just back on out like we're turning around. No sudden movements," is Kari's reply.
My heart is going about a million miles a second and my buzz is killed. Then she says, "Well I guess we'll have to go over to the projects."
Off to the projects we go. For those of you who are too upper middle class to know about the projects, know this: They are never a place one wants to travel to after dark while driving a new car and wearing her new pair of $150 jeans.
We get to an apartment in the projects and I am instructed to keep the car running. Kari goes in to do the talking and emerges five minutes later with a large black man in tow. He gets into a white van that's in the driveway and she comes back to the car.
"That's Eddie. We're gonna follow him."
So I follow the stranger in the white van and I find myself turning off the main road and FUCK ME, we're following him down a winding dirt road. He parks and I leave my car running. We in a clearing and about twenty cars are parked there. There's a large barn in the middle of the clearing and I can hear music playing and people talking. Suddenly it's not Christmas 2005, it's 1927, I am a sharecropper and my story will one day be told in The Color Purple.
Kari enlists Alan to come inside with her. Walter immediaely takes out his Treo phone.
"Put that UP!!" I tell him. "We are not about to get fucked over your phone!"
After what seemed like hours, Kari and Alan come back with four small styrofoam cups. My car is immediately filled with the pungent smell of gin and Hennessy. We proceed to drive back to her house, open containers in tow.
Two funny things about this story: I don't like gin OR Hennessy. And when Alan got back in the car he says "Hey, I knew this guy in there. We used to play Little League together but apparently now he's a crackhead and he has five kids. Can you believe it? Five kids!"
Christmas night:
My family's Christmas tradition is as follows: Breakfast at my mom's mom's or at one of my mom's sister's places. Early afternoon dinner at my dad's mom's. Late dinner/appetizers and snacks at my mom's mom's. This year we had appetizers at my cousin's house. This same cousin is the mother of that beautiful kid I'm always posting pictures of.
But anyway--it's Christmas night and we realize that because my cousin is slightly dense at times, we only have ONE BOTTLE OF RUM. New York has turned me into a complete alcoholic so this liquor situation was a detriment to my well-being. Unfortunately, it's Christmas Day and it's a Sunday. So that's two problems: You can't buy alcohol on Sundays in Georgia and even if you could it's a holiday and there's precious few Non-Christmas-Celebrators where I come from so everything was closed anyway.
My cousin's solution? "We'll just go to the liquor house."
"The what?" I reply.
"The liquor house. You want to drive?"
My head was a little cloudy from two pina coladas and more than a little smoking fun in the garage.
"What is this? Prohibition?" I ask.
My cousin gives me a look which says, "Stop it with the academic terms asshole."
So we load up my car and head to the infamous liquor house. Now I need to let you in on the cast of characters for this merry adventure.
Brandy: The Nervous Driver. Never has done well on roads at night when other cars are present
Kari: The Instigator. Also completely ghetto fabulous. Once told a man she met at a bar that if she'd known she'd be meeting someone that fine, she would have worn her good weave.
Walter and Alan: Kari's cousins on her dad's side. Think Cosby sweaters and Georgetown. The New Black Man. Very clean cut and soap scrubbed. But definitely sporting Cosby sweaters and BAs from prestigious universities.
So we're all cruising down to the liquor house in my pretty nice Acura and Kari is giving directions. "All right y'all," Kari says. "Just let me do the talking. Y'all talk too white and I'm not trying to get my ass kicked on Christmas right now."
The first driveway we pull into is completely empty. The house is shuttered and I notice that there may or may not be yellow tape on the front door.
"Is that police tape?" asks Walter. "That definitely looks like police tape."
"Okay, Bran. Just back on out like we're turning around. No sudden movements," is Kari's reply.
My heart is going about a million miles a second and my buzz is killed. Then she says, "Well I guess we'll have to go over to the projects."
Off to the projects we go. For those of you who are too upper middle class to know about the projects, know this: They are never a place one wants to travel to after dark while driving a new car and wearing her new pair of $150 jeans.
We get to an apartment in the projects and I am instructed to keep the car running. Kari goes in to do the talking and emerges five minutes later with a large black man in tow. He gets into a white van that's in the driveway and she comes back to the car.
"That's Eddie. We're gonna follow him."
So I follow the stranger in the white van and I find myself turning off the main road and FUCK ME, we're following him down a winding dirt road. He parks and I leave my car running. We in a clearing and about twenty cars are parked there. There's a large barn in the middle of the clearing and I can hear music playing and people talking. Suddenly it's not Christmas 2005, it's 1927, I am a sharecropper and my story will one day be told in The Color Purple.
Kari enlists Alan to come inside with her. Walter immediaely takes out his Treo phone.
"Put that UP!!" I tell him. "We are not about to get fucked over your phone!"
After what seemed like hours, Kari and Alan come back with four small styrofoam cups. My car is immediately filled with the pungent smell of gin and Hennessy. We proceed to drive back to her house, open containers in tow.
Two funny things about this story: I don't like gin OR Hennessy. And when Alan got back in the car he says "Hey, I knew this guy in there. We used to play Little League together but apparently now he's a crackhead and he has five kids. Can you believe it? Five kids!"
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Bowery Poetry Club
So I'm seeing a new guy and last night he was like "Meet me over at this weird show at Bowery Poetry Club."
So I grabbed a friend and off we went. And now I'm stating for the record that I will never go to Bowery Poetry Club again.
Apparently, it was open mic night and the guy I'm seeing was videotaping a friend of his who was performing. Said friend is one of my new favorite people I've met--he dresses in a blue velvet bunny costume and wears platform heels that elevate his already tall stature to immense proportions. Unfortunately I arrived too late to actually see him perform but my friend and I did get there in time to see two girls with horrible fake Russian accents reading two line poems that more often than not went a little like this:
"Put your hand on my clit. Let me bite your dick."
or
"Society is black. Shine yellow and purple."
After about five minutes of this I was ready to slit my throat and her clit.
Here's a Brandy rant about that place: Just because you put on beat-up Chuck Taylor All Stars and use natural soap and read long densely typed books on Marxism and post-modern absurdist plays DOES NOT make you a talented poet/artist/performer. In fact, it makes me HATE you. And it makes ALL MY FRIENDS hate you too. Go back to Williamsburg and deal with the fact that you've never known struggle in your life except for maybe when you really wanted that guy Blake to ask you to prom junior year. You too are one of the sheep. How about distinguishing yourself for the masses by actually having a personality instead simply adhereing the hipster code that you feel places you above anyone who thinks thrift store clothes are gross and smell weird. (like me).
And don't charge me $3 to listen to your awful poems and prose and are so progressive they are about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
PS: I really am a nice person.
So I grabbed a friend and off we went. And now I'm stating for the record that I will never go to Bowery Poetry Club again.
Apparently, it was open mic night and the guy I'm seeing was videotaping a friend of his who was performing. Said friend is one of my new favorite people I've met--he dresses in a blue velvet bunny costume and wears platform heels that elevate his already tall stature to immense proportions. Unfortunately I arrived too late to actually see him perform but my friend and I did get there in time to see two girls with horrible fake Russian accents reading two line poems that more often than not went a little like this:
"Put your hand on my clit. Let me bite your dick."
or
"Society is black. Shine yellow and purple."
After about five minutes of this I was ready to slit my throat and her clit.
Here's a Brandy rant about that place: Just because you put on beat-up Chuck Taylor All Stars and use natural soap and read long densely typed books on Marxism and post-modern absurdist plays DOES NOT make you a talented poet/artist/performer. In fact, it makes me HATE you. And it makes ALL MY FRIENDS hate you too. Go back to Williamsburg and deal with the fact that you've never known struggle in your life except for maybe when you really wanted that guy Blake to ask you to prom junior year. You too are one of the sheep. How about distinguishing yourself for the masses by actually having a personality instead simply adhereing the hipster code that you feel places you above anyone who thinks thrift store clothes are gross and smell weird. (like me).
And don't charge me $3 to listen to your awful poems and prose and are so progressive they are about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
PS: I really am a nice person.
This just in...
I am an "enthralling lover."
You heard it here first folks. That's right. ENTHRALLING.
You heard it here first folks. That's right. ENTHRALLING.
Monday, January 09, 2006
Ten Years Ago Today
It was January 9th, 1996.
I was in the ninth grade and the love of my life was named Carlos Britt. I was extremely excited about starting on the JV tennis team and I was two years away from contacts and about four years away from really blossoming into a hot girl.
My two biggest problems in life were getting an A in honors geometry and making sure Calros Britt noticed me as we passes each other in the hall going from 2nd period to 3rd period.
It would be awesome if those were my two biggest problems now right?
I was in the ninth grade and the love of my life was named Carlos Britt. I was extremely excited about starting on the JV tennis team and I was two years away from contacts and about four years away from really blossoming into a hot girl.
My two biggest problems in life were getting an A in honors geometry and making sure Calros Britt noticed me as we passes each other in the hall going from 2nd period to 3rd period.
It would be awesome if those were my two biggest problems now right?
How necessary?
This all belongs to my brother. But wait. There's more.
That's right. Everyone needs at least four sticks of deoderant to feel super fresh and awesome.
To all the boys who have my number
Call me. I'm not the girl who plays hard to get. In fact I'm kind of like a dream come true because all I require in order to smooch is a PHONE CALL.
My cell phone has lain silent for too long. Every weekend it seems to gather more and more dust, only ringing when my mother is on the other line.
I like to think of myself as a popular lady. So call my phone. I am so good at hanging out.
My cell phone has lain silent for too long. Every weekend it seems to gather more and more dust, only ringing when my mother is on the other line.
I like to think of myself as a popular lady. So call my phone. I am so good at hanging out.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Quote of the Night
"I would fuck my hot cousin. In fact, I want to fuck my hot cousin. If he kisses me, I will fuck him."
--Julie Lake, Apt 24, 1/7/05
--Julie Lake, Apt 24, 1/7/05
A Fun Sight
Sometimes you're at an improv show.
Sometimes you take a look at the line up and realize that you've slept with not one but TWO of the performers.
And sometimes, later on at the bar after the show you're hanging out, and you happen to see them engaged in conversation with one another and you can't help but wonder if perhaps they're discussing how good you are in bed or maybe just trading Brandy blowjob stories.
Sometimes you take a look at the line up and realize that you've slept with not one but TWO of the performers.
And sometimes, later on at the bar after the show you're hanging out, and you happen to see them engaged in conversation with one another and you can't help but wonder if perhaps they're discussing how good you are in bed or maybe just trading Brandy blowjob stories.
Friday, January 06, 2006
Who's Thin?
ME!!!!
I feel fabulous and I think that my stomach is used to not eating. New Year, New Ultra-fabulous Skinny Brandy!!
PS: for those of you who think this is serious, I'm sorry. I'm not anorexic. But I am very thin. The two just usually go hand in hand. But not for me. I promise.
PPS: How great is my bacon icon?
I feel fabulous and I think that my stomach is used to not eating. New Year, New Ultra-fabulous Skinny Brandy!!
PS: for those of you who think this is serious, I'm sorry. I'm not anorexic. But I am very thin. The two just usually go hand in hand. But not for me. I promise.
PPS: How great is my bacon icon?
Paris, Paris
10 points if you can spot the line that makes this blurb so hilarious. I mean really. Who says things like that? What, are we in a duel in 18th century France?
Read the whole story here.
Barfworthy. But still adorable.
Ah.....young love.
Don't you just love when you start out dating someone. How every phone call and message is just so...SWEET?
Don't you just love when you start out dating someone. How every phone call and message is just so...SWEET?
Brandy with an "i"
I glanced over this email just before I sent it and discovered something a little disturbing. I used about one too many exclaimation points and I feel that turns me into one of those girls who dots her "i's" with hearts.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Because iChat is so fun
This conversation is not particularly funny or meaningful but I just want to give you guys an iidea of what it is I do with my work days when I've decided that I don't feel like working.
Ths should demonstrate why I shouldn't have a job. I should just be home and hanging out all day.
Ths should demonstrate why I shouldn't have a job. I should just be home and hanging out all day.
What I'm Tired Of
Lindsay Lohan.
Anyone with eyes knows she's been bulimic since Mean Girls and anyone who's every seen her in the bathroom at Bungalow 8 knows that she's no stranger to the skiing the slopes.
Who cares if she's just now admitting it?
Anyone with eyes knows she's been bulimic since Mean Girls and anyone who's every seen her in the bathroom at Bungalow 8 knows that she's no stranger to the skiing the slopes.
Who cares if she's just now admitting it?
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Party People
I love it when particularly hideous pics of me are on the internet. If there's going to be a bad pic I want to be the one to put it up.
So here is a pic I found today from a party I went to before Christmas. Just know that I was completely wasted because that's what happens when Brandy Crawford visits an open bar.
I'm looking VERY thin though. I like that. I like that a lot.
So here is a pic I found today from a party I went to before Christmas. Just know that I was completely wasted because that's what happens when Brandy Crawford visits an open bar.
I'm looking VERY thin though. I like that. I like that a lot.
I'm A March Kid
Your Birth Month is March |
 You love life and exude an outgoing, cheerful vibe. Blessed with a great sense of humor, you can laugh at adversity. Your soul reflects: Respect, desire, and generosity Your gemstone: Aquamarine Your flower: Daffodil Your colors: White and light blue |
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
I hope he googles himself.
Or maybe his friends will. In any case, I think that Andy Samberg is REALLY cute. For those of you who don't know who he is, perhaps you should watch this incredibly funny music video that has renewed my faith in SNL. Or maybe you can check out his website.
For those who know me, it will come as no surprise that I think that this guy is right up my alley. For those of you who don't, let me give you a little insight.
1. I LOVE a guy in glasses
2. I LOVE tall guys
3. I LOVE guys that some would term "dork"
3.5. I LOVE funny guys
4. I ALWAYS end up liking Jewish guys
5. Even though I am obviously an African queen, I dig on white guys a lot. Not exclusively or anything but chances are if you show me a tall awkward Jewish dork, I will do my damnedest to get into bed with him. I'm honestly attracted.
I am not ashamed. Andy Samberg, if you are googling yourself and you come across this, don't be freaked out. I'm not stalking you. I just think that you're cute. And since I am also cute, we should maybe go out for a drink. I know that there are probably about 20 or so girls who are trying to come after you now, since you are on TV now and obviously cute and hilarious. But just know that I am Brandy Crawford. This name translates to: really fun girl. You won't be sorry. And how great would the meeting story be? Feel free to take a look at some pictures on me on my Myspace page. Perhaps you should get a Myspace profile too and then we can be virtual friends first.
PS: Here's a secret for the two of us. I'm not a slut or anything but I'll let you smooch me on the first date. I'm an accomodating kind of girl.
For those who know me, it will come as no surprise that I think that this guy is right up my alley. For those of you who don't, let me give you a little insight.
1. I LOVE a guy in glasses
2. I LOVE tall guys
3. I LOVE guys that some would term "dork"
3.5. I LOVE funny guys
4. I ALWAYS end up liking Jewish guys
5. Even though I am obviously an African queen, I dig on white guys a lot. Not exclusively or anything but chances are if you show me a tall awkward Jewish dork, I will do my damnedest to get into bed with him. I'm honestly attracted.
I am not ashamed. Andy Samberg, if you are googling yourself and you come across this, don't be freaked out. I'm not stalking you. I just think that you're cute. And since I am also cute, we should maybe go out for a drink. I know that there are probably about 20 or so girls who are trying to come after you now, since you are on TV now and obviously cute and hilarious. But just know that I am Brandy Crawford. This name translates to: really fun girl. You won't be sorry. And how great would the meeting story be? Feel free to take a look at some pictures on me on my Myspace page. Perhaps you should get a Myspace profile too and then we can be virtual friends first.
PS: Here's a secret for the two of us. I'm not a slut or anything but I'll let you smooch me on the first date. I'm an accomodating kind of girl.
This just in....
Fresh from Gawker Stalker. You should check it out: www.gawker.com--my favorite way to get other people's celeb sightings:
Last night (1/2) at the Spotted Pig, at one end of the restaurant Patrick Dempsey was busy being hot as he dined with a few other people.
PATRICK DEMPSEY IS IN THE CITY.
I think I might faint.
Last night (1/2) at the Spotted Pig, at one end of the restaurant Patrick Dempsey was busy being hot as he dined with a few other people.
PATRICK DEMPSEY IS IN THE CITY.
I think I might faint.
Interesting Facts About Me
Because I am vain and also because lists are fun, I have decided to post a few interesting facts about myself.
1) I know the capital of every state. Ask me any state. I'll tell you the capital. I'm that good.
2) In 5th grade I lost a black history competition to the white boy who would eventually become my middle school crush, high school best buddy, and lifelong gay friend. I think he won a plastic ruler set.
3) I played flute for almost 9 years.
4) I haven't balanced my check book in almost five years. I just get gut feelings about when to stop spending.
5) I only recently discovered that I can type full sentences without looking at the keyboard.
More to follow in the coming weeks of fun.
1) I know the capital of every state. Ask me any state. I'll tell you the capital. I'm that good.
2) In 5th grade I lost a black history competition to the white boy who would eventually become my middle school crush, high school best buddy, and lifelong gay friend. I think he won a plastic ruler set.
3) I played flute for almost 9 years.
4) I haven't balanced my check book in almost five years. I just get gut feelings about when to stop spending.
5) I only recently discovered that I can type full sentences without looking at the keyboard.
More to follow in the coming weeks of fun.
A Dedication
I'd like to take a moment and give a special shout out to two friends of mine. I know that they read this and they know who they are.
Get it on tonight you guys. Get it on. Dim those lights, take out the whipped cream. Put on the Barry White. It's time to have some fun.
Perhaps this can be of assistance.
I love you both and I promise that I'm not throwing up a little in my mouth because you guys are smooching and I'm spending tonight with my roommate and the party sandwiches she just called to inform me that she's making for dinner.
I'm not like that.
Get it on tonight you guys. Get it on. Dim those lights, take out the whipped cream. Put on the Barry White. It's time to have some fun.
Perhaps this can be of assistance.
I love you both and I promise that I'm not throwing up a little in my mouth because you guys are smooching and I'm spending tonight with my roommate and the party sandwiches she just called to inform me that she's making for dinner.
I'm not like that.
Hot Guys
I just wanted everyone to know that there is a REALLY HOT GUY in my office right now. He just introduced himself to me. Apparently he thought we already met so he was like, "I know I've met you before."
Don't worry. I didn't say back, "Perhaps you met me in a dream where we were having hardcore up against the wall sex you hot man, you."
Instead I replied, "Well it's nice to meet you again."
I am so LAME.
Don't worry. I didn't say back, "Perhaps you met me in a dream where we were having hardcore up against the wall sex you hot man, you."
Instead I replied, "Well it's nice to meet you again."
I am so LAME.
Back to work
Sorry for the lack of postings for the past couple of days. I've been at home on my couch immobile because that's what a lifestyle of partying does to a girl.
Here are stories that you will be hearing more about in the coming week so make sure to check back for some laughs.
1) my Christmas adventure at the liquor house
2)the crashing of a class reunion that wasn't mine
3) me, my cousins and an ultrasound
4)the craziness of my first New Years in the city
5)more funny from the funniest of them all--my niece Kailyn
I'm actually doing work today but.....stay tuned friends. I have a feeling 2006 will be my year.
Here are stories that you will be hearing more about in the coming week so make sure to check back for some laughs.
1) my Christmas adventure at the liquor house
2)the crashing of a class reunion that wasn't mine
3) me, my cousins and an ultrasound
4)the craziness of my first New Years in the city
5)more funny from the funniest of them all--my niece Kailyn
I'm actually doing work today but.....stay tuned friends. I have a feeling 2006 will be my year.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Happy New Year
Once again a new year has descended upon us. I got in at 7am on this fine morn and I have spent the entire day in front of the television, briefly stopping to move my luggage from the living room to my bedroom.
My resolutions this year are the same as last year:
1) I will date a celebrity lookalike
2) Really do my ab exercises and get he six pack I had after college graduation.
Last year the closest I came to resolution #1 is this guy who's name I can't recall, but we went on a couple of dates and he looked just like Will from Will and Grace. I'd like to think that that particular experience doesn't count.
The second resolution? I kept up for most of January and then started back up again in March when I got a month long pass to New York Sports Club. My problem with exercise is that I just get sore too easily. I'd much rather watch TBS while lounging on my couch.
I will, however, try to hold to these resolutions this year. For most of January at least.
My resolutions this year are the same as last year:
1) I will date a celebrity lookalike
2) Really do my ab exercises and get he six pack I had after college graduation.
Last year the closest I came to resolution #1 is this guy who's name I can't recall, but we went on a couple of dates and he looked just like Will from Will and Grace. I'd like to think that that particular experience doesn't count.
The second resolution? I kept up for most of January and then started back up again in March when I got a month long pass to New York Sports Club. My problem with exercise is that I just get sore too easily. I'd much rather watch TBS while lounging on my couch.
I will, however, try to hold to these resolutions this year. For most of January at least.
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