And no one is really surprised. But there's probably some 25 year old art assistant in Chelsea who's hert wept with joy when he saw the headlines on his MyYahoo homepage. He always knew. He always knew.
In other unrelated news, I am coming off of a very nice weekend. The heat is on the unbearable side but we have an AC in the living room so I've been sleeping on the couch until I can find a cute guy with an AC in his room. Apparently the electric company is telling everyone to keep their ACs at 78 degrees.
Why bother having it on?
Monday, July 31, 2006
Saturday, July 29, 2006
TBS Does Me Right
I don't have cable but i do get a few random channels, including TBS.
And some weekends TBS just does me right. How did they know I'd LOVE to see Honey I shrunk The Kids followed by Hook?
What a wonderful four hours.
Also--thanks to everyone who came out to Sexytime last night. If you didn't come, you missed some fun. And some motherfucking homemade Rice Krispie treats.
And some weekends TBS just does me right. How did they know I'd LOVE to see Honey I shrunk The Kids followed by Hook?
What a wonderful four hours.
Also--thanks to everyone who came out to Sexytime last night. If you didn't come, you missed some fun. And some motherfucking homemade Rice Krispie treats.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Sexytime TONIGHT
All right players.
Myself and the lovely Miss Heather Fink are hosting a fun filled evening of comedy tonight. It's called Sexytime and if you're in New York and not doing anything tonight, come on down for some free comedy. Also there will be a real life porn star present. And yours truly will be wearing an irrepressibly cute onesie.
Here's the DL:
What: Sexytime hosted by Brandy Crawford and Heather Fink
When: Fri July 28th @ 11pm
Where: Mo Pitkens (the new downstairs stage)
on Avenue A between 2nd and 3rd Sts
on the east side of the street
How much: FREE!
featuring
Craig Baldo
http://www.craigbaldo.com/
You'll recognize him not only from your dreams but also from Premium Blend, Late Night with Conan, Last Comic Standing
Seth Herzog, AKA the Zog
Hosts everyone's favorite Lower East Side comedy show, "Sweet" and he's tearing it up these days on everything VH1
Jessica Delfino
http://www.jessydelfino.blogspot.com/
She has a guitar and knows how to use it to crack people up.
and Pornstar Ben Andrews
That's right--a REAL PORN STAR. He also is the owner of the current Biggest-You-Know-What in the business.
www.myspace.com/lebenandrews
I even made treats for the crowd. Yum. See you there!
Myself and the lovely Miss Heather Fink are hosting a fun filled evening of comedy tonight. It's called Sexytime and if you're in New York and not doing anything tonight, come on down for some free comedy. Also there will be a real life porn star present. And yours truly will be wearing an irrepressibly cute onesie.
Here's the DL:
What: Sexytime hosted by Brandy Crawford and Heather Fink
When: Fri July 28th @ 11pm
Where: Mo Pitkens (the new downstairs stage)
on Avenue A between 2nd and 3rd Sts
on the east side of the street
How much: FREE!
featuring
Craig Baldo
http://www.craigbaldo.com/
You'll recognize him not only from your dreams but also from Premium Blend, Late Night with Conan, Last Comic Standing
Seth Herzog, AKA the Zog
Hosts everyone's favorite Lower East Side comedy show, "Sweet" and he's tearing it up these days on everything VH1
Jessica Delfino
http://www.jessydelfino.blogspot.com/
She has a guitar and knows how to use it to crack people up.
and Pornstar Ben Andrews
That's right--a REAL PORN STAR. He also is the owner of the current Biggest-You-Know-What in the business.
www.myspace.com/lebenandrews
I even made treats for the crowd. Yum. See you there!
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Thanks US Weekly
For this little gem.
Go ahead. Take a minute out of your busy day to think about what stars' kids will look like in 2026. I will be 45. And I would NOT like a morphing game to show me what I will look like in middle age. I'd like to remain blissfully ignorant and believe that I will always have my 5'8 size 6 (could be a 4 soon if I keep not eating!) frame, thank you very much.
Go ahead. Take a minute out of your busy day to think about what stars' kids will look like in 2026. I will be 45. And I would NOT like a morphing game to show me what I will look like in middle age. I'd like to remain blissfully ignorant and believe that I will always have my 5'8 size 6 (could be a 4 soon if I keep not eating!) frame, thank you very much.
Real Estate Heaven
thanks to Christos for sending this over to give me.
Reply to:
Date: 2006-07-27, 10:11AM EDT
Good morning!
I’m writing today with an excellent offer on a HUGE room in the coolest neighborhood in Brooklyn: Williamsburg!
The apartment is a two-bedroom located on North 5th street and Driggs, one block away from all the great shops, venues, restaurants and bars on Bedford Avenue, and three blocks from the Bedford L-Train. Only one stop from downtown Manhattan!
The room itself is quite large – 12x13, with one large window looking south. Because we are separated from the main drag, the streets are quiet at night, and your room is very private. What’s more, it comes furnished with a queen-sized bed and an oak bureau. Our living room and kitchen are spacious and sunlit, and I have a big-screen entertainment system pre-installed (big plus for movie buffs!)
I’m asking $350 per month, which includes all utilities. Move-in would be anytime between now and September 1st.
If you’re like everyone else I’ve told, you’re probably wondering why the price is so low. Well, here’s the deal:
The last five people to live in the room have died.
I promise this is not a joke. While I’m not a superstitious person, it's only fair for me to tell you. If I didn’t, my neighbor Frank would. He’s very gullible, and because of the strange circumstances, has become convinced the room is cursed. Not only that, but he can be very passionate on the subject, and has dissuaded a number of my potential roommates. My friends won’t touch the place, despite the great deal.
Again, I think this is all hogwash, and anyone who believes in curses or ghosts needs to re-think their world view. Nevertheless, in the interest of full disclosure, here are the details of the last five roommates. In my opinion, the stories themselves prove that NOTHING strange is going on.
Roommate 1: This was my first roommate, my best friend from college. He signed the lease with me. Everything was fine for several months, until he was hit by an errant taxi while visiting his girlfriend in Manhattan. Total fluke accident, could happen to anyone. His girlfriend was fine.
Roommate 2: His name was Pedrag, and he came from Serbia. We actually met at my work. He had barely unpacked when he received word from home that his brother was ill, and had to return. The day before he was supposed to come back to the states, he fell prey to street violence and was gunned down in a drive-by shooting. Personally, I don’t count this, because we all know that Serbia is a very violent section of the world. It was not smart for him to be on the streets like that.
Roommate 3: Another college friend whom I was trying to help out, despite his history of depression. I don’t like to talk about this, but after everything was seemingly going well, I came home to find him hanging from a noose in his room. Again, this was more due to his psychiatric depression than anything else. It was at this point that Frank became convinced the room was cursed. Getting a new roommate became real tough.
Roommate 4: This was a random stranger who needed a place for a month. Turned out he was a drug dealer, and got knifed in Bedford-Stuyvesant when he couldn’t pay up in a deal gone wrong. I still have his futon, and would sell it to you at low cost if you want a couch in your room.
Roommate 5: This was one of my younger sister’s friends who’d just graduated from college. I admit this incident was slightly strange. I was away for the weekend, and on Saturday morning she was found dead in the grass outside the window, which had been smashed. Everyone thought it was a break-in, but the fire department determined the window had been broken from the inside, and the door hadn’t been opened. Nobody’s been convicted, and the official story is that she went nuts and banged her head through the window, severing the carotid artery. Personally, I think that’s bunk. It was probably an angry boyfriend or something. She was quite promiscuous. That was three weeks ago.
So you can see, those incidents were all COINCIDENCES! I mean, three of the people weren’t even in the room when they died. I don’t see how anyone could believe in the “curse” nonsense.
But as I said, it’s been impossible to get a roommate, so I’ve had to lower the rent considerably just to get any money at all. Normally, a place like this would go for over $1,000. If you’re interested in jumping on this great deal, please send me an e-mail. Tell a bit about yourself, and convince me you won’t bolt the first time you get freaked out and hear a noise or something. I’d rather not have to find a new roommate right away.
Please also tell me what kind of music you like.
Note: This is a SERIOUS posting. Please don’t take the memory of my roommates lightly in your response. Thank you.
How badly do YOU want a room?
$350 - Great, Huge room for cheap! - Bedford Ave L - $350/month!
Reply to:
Date: 2006-07-27, 10:11AM EDT
Good morning!
I’m writing today with an excellent offer on a HUGE room in the coolest neighborhood in Brooklyn: Williamsburg!
The apartment is a two-bedroom located on North 5th street and Driggs, one block away from all the great shops, venues, restaurants and bars on Bedford Avenue, and three blocks from the Bedford L-Train. Only one stop from downtown Manhattan!
The room itself is quite large – 12x13, with one large window looking south. Because we are separated from the main drag, the streets are quiet at night, and your room is very private. What’s more, it comes furnished with a queen-sized bed and an oak bureau. Our living room and kitchen are spacious and sunlit, and I have a big-screen entertainment system pre-installed (big plus for movie buffs!)
I’m asking $350 per month, which includes all utilities. Move-in would be anytime between now and September 1st.
If you’re like everyone else I’ve told, you’re probably wondering why the price is so low. Well, here’s the deal:
The last five people to live in the room have died.
I promise this is not a joke. While I’m not a superstitious person, it's only fair for me to tell you. If I didn’t, my neighbor Frank would. He’s very gullible, and because of the strange circumstances, has become convinced the room is cursed. Not only that, but he can be very passionate on the subject, and has dissuaded a number of my potential roommates. My friends won’t touch the place, despite the great deal.
Again, I think this is all hogwash, and anyone who believes in curses or ghosts needs to re-think their world view. Nevertheless, in the interest of full disclosure, here are the details of the last five roommates. In my opinion, the stories themselves prove that NOTHING strange is going on.
Roommate 1: This was my first roommate, my best friend from college. He signed the lease with me. Everything was fine for several months, until he was hit by an errant taxi while visiting his girlfriend in Manhattan. Total fluke accident, could happen to anyone. His girlfriend was fine.
Roommate 2: His name was Pedrag, and he came from Serbia. We actually met at my work. He had barely unpacked when he received word from home that his brother was ill, and had to return. The day before he was supposed to come back to the states, he fell prey to street violence and was gunned down in a drive-by shooting. Personally, I don’t count this, because we all know that Serbia is a very violent section of the world. It was not smart for him to be on the streets like that.
Roommate 3: Another college friend whom I was trying to help out, despite his history of depression. I don’t like to talk about this, but after everything was seemingly going well, I came home to find him hanging from a noose in his room. Again, this was more due to his psychiatric depression than anything else. It was at this point that Frank became convinced the room was cursed. Getting a new roommate became real tough.
Roommate 4: This was a random stranger who needed a place for a month. Turned out he was a drug dealer, and got knifed in Bedford-Stuyvesant when he couldn’t pay up in a deal gone wrong. I still have his futon, and would sell it to you at low cost if you want a couch in your room.
Roommate 5: This was one of my younger sister’s friends who’d just graduated from college. I admit this incident was slightly strange. I was away for the weekend, and on Saturday morning she was found dead in the grass outside the window, which had been smashed. Everyone thought it was a break-in, but the fire department determined the window had been broken from the inside, and the door hadn’t been opened. Nobody’s been convicted, and the official story is that she went nuts and banged her head through the window, severing the carotid artery. Personally, I think that’s bunk. It was probably an angry boyfriend or something. She was quite promiscuous. That was three weeks ago.
So you can see, those incidents were all COINCIDENCES! I mean, three of the people weren’t even in the room when they died. I don’t see how anyone could believe in the “curse” nonsense.
But as I said, it’s been impossible to get a roommate, so I’ve had to lower the rent considerably just to get any money at all. Normally, a place like this would go for over $1,000. If you’re interested in jumping on this great deal, please send me an e-mail. Tell a bit about yourself, and convince me you won’t bolt the first time you get freaked out and hear a noise or something. I’d rather not have to find a new roommate right away.
Please also tell me what kind of music you like.
Note: This is a SERIOUS posting. Please don’t take the memory of my roommates lightly in your response. Thank you.
- this is in or around Williamsburg
- no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
How badly do YOU want a room?
Monday, July 24, 2006
Check these girls out!
This is the picture from the CD cover for my new favorite girl duo: Yassara. They have a really awesome new sound and it's currently rocking my world. Listen to them here.
I mean, how could you not want to just take these ladies home and curl up with them?
I mean, how could you not want to just take these ladies home and curl up with them?
Spell check
I'd just like to take a minute and apologize for the immense amount of spelling and grammatical crimes I am often guilty of committing on this here blog. Without those little green and red squiggly lines I just can't edit myself.
I'm just so dependent on technology. And also I could be accused of being really lazy.
I'm just so dependent on technology. And also I could be accused of being really lazy.
West 3rd Street
This morning I took a cab to work. I live on the east side downtown and I work on the west side in midtown. So the cabbie decided to be creative and not go across Houston which is always a nightmare. Instead we took a little drive through Greenwich Village on the way to Sixth Avenue.
I used to frequent the Village. My best friend went to NYU so whenever I came to visit, these were the streets I wandered. Since moving to my uber trendy East Village neighborhood, I am lazy and don't make it west unless I'm going to be compensated. But I still have some fun memories, the best of which concerns West 3rd Street.
I once broke up with a really hot guy in front of the McDonalds on West 3rd Street. He was a 6'3 blonde Italian, fresh off the boat from Italy. I met him at a bar on Lafayette and within five minutes of meeting we were making out and a couple of hours later he was paying for the cab to my apartment in Brooklyn. I couldn't believe my good fortune. We were hooking it up in my room and I noticed a few reasons that this guy had fallen into my lap and none of them were good. First off, he told me he loved me at least five times. Not cool considering I didn't know his last name. Then the pants came off and I had to quickly cover up my disappointment at the tiny pink number he expected to do something to me with.
I'd never planned on calling him again, but somehow he ended up coming to brunch with my friends and me the next morning. Since he was so obviously hot, I didn't mind. Then he just kept calling me. And since I'm lazy, persistence from guys usually works with me. If you keep calling, I'll eventually get tired of ignoring your calls, and I'll probably end up going out with you.
So we went on a few dates and I kept our sleepovers to a minimum seeing as that I'd met a new guy and that was going quite well. Then we met for dinner one night over on Macdougal Street or Minetta Lane or one of those little alleys in the Village. We're at this Mexican place called Panchitos and he says to me in his totally hot accent,
"I want to take you to Roma. My mama will love you."
I nearly choked on my burrito. I tried to laugh it off but I made up my mind before I downed my third margarita that even though this guy was SO FINE, this "thing" was ending tonight.
So we walked around after dinner for a bit and finally we end up in front of the McDonalds on West 3rd Street, talking. He was riding me about always hanging out with my friends and never hanging out with him. I asked him to get me an ice cream cone. When he came back out with the cone I took it from him, took a lick, and said,
"Listen, this isn't working for me right now. You're moving too fast and I'm really not so into that. So I have to go."
And I turned around and went to the West 4th subway stop to catch the F train home.
And that's the story of Brandy and the Tall Hot Blonde Italian.
I used to frequent the Village. My best friend went to NYU so whenever I came to visit, these were the streets I wandered. Since moving to my uber trendy East Village neighborhood, I am lazy and don't make it west unless I'm going to be compensated. But I still have some fun memories, the best of which concerns West 3rd Street.
I once broke up with a really hot guy in front of the McDonalds on West 3rd Street. He was a 6'3 blonde Italian, fresh off the boat from Italy. I met him at a bar on Lafayette and within five minutes of meeting we were making out and a couple of hours later he was paying for the cab to my apartment in Brooklyn. I couldn't believe my good fortune. We were hooking it up in my room and I noticed a few reasons that this guy had fallen into my lap and none of them were good. First off, he told me he loved me at least five times. Not cool considering I didn't know his last name. Then the pants came off and I had to quickly cover up my disappointment at the tiny pink number he expected to do something to me with.
I'd never planned on calling him again, but somehow he ended up coming to brunch with my friends and me the next morning. Since he was so obviously hot, I didn't mind. Then he just kept calling me. And since I'm lazy, persistence from guys usually works with me. If you keep calling, I'll eventually get tired of ignoring your calls, and I'll probably end up going out with you.
So we went on a few dates and I kept our sleepovers to a minimum seeing as that I'd met a new guy and that was going quite well. Then we met for dinner one night over on Macdougal Street or Minetta Lane or one of those little alleys in the Village. We're at this Mexican place called Panchitos and he says to me in his totally hot accent,
"I want to take you to Roma. My mama will love you."
I nearly choked on my burrito. I tried to laugh it off but I made up my mind before I downed my third margarita that even though this guy was SO FINE, this "thing" was ending tonight.
So we walked around after dinner for a bit and finally we end up in front of the McDonalds on West 3rd Street, talking. He was riding me about always hanging out with my friends and never hanging out with him. I asked him to get me an ice cream cone. When he came back out with the cone I took it from him, took a lick, and said,
"Listen, this isn't working for me right now. You're moving too fast and I'm really not so into that. So I have to go."
And I turned around and went to the West 4th subway stop to catch the F train home.
And that's the story of Brandy and the Tall Hot Blonde Italian.
Some disturbing Dakota Fanning news
I'm not the biggest Dakota Fanning fan. Her voice creeps me out and the only performance of hers that I've respected is in Uptown Girls with indomitable Brittany Murphy.
But I was scanning the news the other day and I noticed this article in the NY Daily News on Dakota.
Oscar? She wants to win an Oscar? So she does a NUDE scene and a RAPE scene and she's only twelve?
This, however, is my favorite line from the article.
Only two taboos in Hollywood? That's totally what I thought too! I feel like the "source" is a small timid lady who doesn't want to say either of those taboos but she really wanted to take a stand and let it be known that there are some things that Hollywood just does not stand for.
But I was scanning the news the other day and I noticed this article in the NY Daily News on Dakota.
Oscar? She wants to win an Oscar? So she does a NUDE scene and a RAPE scene and she's only twelve?
This, however, is my favorite line from the article.
Only two taboos in Hollywood? That's totally what I thought too! I feel like the "source" is a small timid lady who doesn't want to say either of those taboos but she really wanted to take a stand and let it be known that there are some things that Hollywood just does not stand for.
Finally!
Thanks to Myspace and all those ads because now I've found this!!
That's right ladies--we can finally search for rich guys without going to old people hang outs and pretending to like scotch while we decide which investment banker to fuck!! I knew that there had to be a more self-respecting way to be a golddigger out there but I didn't think it would be THIS easy!
My prince? But what will he look like? Just how much money will he make?
I won't lie--I'm tempted to do this just because it's so ridiculous. But I'm wondering--do I have to meet some sort of income requirement too--it this a site a place for really rich people to hook up? Or do only the men have to have the big bucks because was this whole site started by slutty lazy trashy girls who wanted an easier way to sort through potential 4th and 5th husbands? Or maybe it got going by some rich guys with a fetish for needy backstabbing golddiggers?
In related news, I signed up for Netflix this weekend. I also woke up at 2:30am in the morning on Sunday and proceeded to eat a bag of peanut butter M&Ms in under 3 minutes as well as buy $150 of final sale (i.e. ONNRETURNABLE) clothes and shoes and iPod cases from JCrew.
Damn it.
That's right ladies--we can finally search for rich guys without going to old people hang outs and pretending to like scotch while we decide which investment banker to fuck!! I knew that there had to be a more self-respecting way to be a golddigger out there but I didn't think it would be THIS easy!
My prince? But what will he look like? Just how much money will he make?
I won't lie--I'm tempted to do this just because it's so ridiculous. But I'm wondering--do I have to meet some sort of income requirement too--it this a site a place for really rich people to hook up? Or do only the men have to have the big bucks because was this whole site started by slutty lazy trashy girls who wanted an easier way to sort through potential 4th and 5th husbands? Or maybe it got going by some rich guys with a fetish for needy backstabbing golddiggers?
In related news, I signed up for Netflix this weekend. I also woke up at 2:30am in the morning on Sunday and proceeded to eat a bag of peanut butter M&Ms in under 3 minutes as well as buy $150 of final sale (i.e. ONNRETURNABLE) clothes and shoes and iPod cases from JCrew.
Damn it.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Comedy!!
So you want to see me do some comedy?
You're in luck!! I will be shamelessly promoting "Sexytime" until it happens next Friday at Mo Pitkens with my co-host, the lovely Heather Fink.
Details and line up TBA
I'm back off to my new real job which is leaving precious little time to fuck around online.
You're in luck!! I will be shamelessly promoting "Sexytime" until it happens next Friday at Mo Pitkens with my co-host, the lovely Heather Fink.
Details and line up TBA
I'm back off to my new real job which is leaving precious little time to fuck around online.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Maybe I'm a witch
....who melts at high temperatures. Much like the ones outside in the great city of New York as I type.
I'm looking out of the 15th floor window on my new office and it looks beautiful out. However, I went outside for lunch and almost died of heatstroke on the corner of 9th Avenue and 41st Street. Right under the creepy Port Authority overpass.
I'd also like to note that today is the first time I've bought lunch in my new job neighborhood and I made the same mistake that I always make at new "by the pound" places and I spent $15 fucking dollars on lunch. How on earth did those shrimp dumplings cost SO MUCH?
I'm looking out of the 15th floor window on my new office and it looks beautiful out. However, I went outside for lunch and almost died of heatstroke on the corner of 9th Avenue and 41st Street. Right under the creepy Port Authority overpass.
I'd also like to note that today is the first time I've bought lunch in my new job neighborhood and I made the same mistake that I always make at new "by the pound" places and I spent $15 fucking dollars on lunch. How on earth did those shrimp dumplings cost SO MUCH?
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Tales from the South
I was home in Georgia last week. I haven't been there since Christmas and the prolonged absence caused me to forget that I come from The Country. Country people, country ways.
This is a store on the square in the town I grew up in.
This is a store on the square in the town I grew up in.
These are t-shirts I saw at a t-shirt shop run by an Indian guy.
I might also add that I was very close to purchasing my very own Conferderate flag patterned bikini. The hipster in me wants to sport it under a white tank top and with blue jean cutoffs and a huge wad of tobacco in my mouth while I make it happen on Ludlow Street.
I might also add that I was very close to purchasing my very own Conferderate flag patterned bikini. The hipster in me wants to sport it under a white tank top and with blue jean cutoffs and a huge wad of tobacco in my mouth while I make it happen on Ludlow Street.
Friday, July 14, 2006
I'm a working lady
And I'm working pretty hard. Sorry about the lack of posting--I'm doing the whole "let's make a good impression since these people think you're fantastic" thing.
It's working.
But I'll be making you laugh with some funny stories this weekend. So get ready.
It's working.
But I'll be making you laugh with some funny stories this weekend. So get ready.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Diversity and Big Asses
So I'm in the den at my dad's watching TV and he has two of his friends over. They're all going on vacation together and are sitting around the computer looking up hotels and such.
I hear them laughing so I go over to get in on the joke. My dad had clicked on the address bar at the top of the web broswer and as he goes to type in the web address we all see this:
Apparently my little bro has been a little "busy" at the computer and never learned how to clear the history.
I think my dad wasn't embarrassed that his friends saw this because it just goes to prove his son is a real man.
At least the kid has diverse tastes, right? But they all gots to have the ass!
I hear them laughing so I go over to get in on the joke. My dad had clicked on the address bar at the top of the web broswer and as he goes to type in the web address we all see this:
Apparently my little bro has been a little "busy" at the computer and never learned how to clear the history.
I think my dad wasn't embarrassed that his friends saw this because it just goes to prove his son is a real man.
At least the kid has diverse tastes, right? But they all gots to have the ass!
Some fun things
I'd like to share a few fun slogans I've come across today.
I was driving behind a big transfer truck and the bumper sticker on the back read:
"It's not a choice. It's a child."
Isn't it a choice to choose to keep it? So you do have to make a choice. Oooooohhhhhh.
At my favorite Georgia institution, a fabulous little number called Waffle House, the sign outside reads,
"If you love eating here, you'll love working here."
I seriously doubt that. Personally, I'd never want to work where I eat. That's why I go out to eat. (Also, most of the Waffle House staff is pushing 40 and missing more than a few teeth.)
My friend bought some swim shorts at Wal-Mart, a brand called Faded Glory. Their motto?
"We fit the way America lives."
How exactly is it that America lives? Husky? Big and tall? Petite?
I miss the South sometimes.
I was driving behind a big transfer truck and the bumper sticker on the back read:
"It's not a choice. It's a child."
Isn't it a choice to choose to keep it? So you do have to make a choice. Oooooohhhhhh.
At my favorite Georgia institution, a fabulous little number called Waffle House, the sign outside reads,
"If you love eating here, you'll love working here."
I seriously doubt that. Personally, I'd never want to work where I eat. That's why I go out to eat. (Also, most of the Waffle House staff is pushing 40 and missing more than a few teeth.)
My friend bought some swim shorts at Wal-Mart, a brand called Faded Glory. Their motto?
"We fit the way America lives."
How exactly is it that America lives? Husky? Big and tall? Petite?
I miss the South sometimes.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
I just got peed on
That's right. If a baby's diaper feels damp go ahead and change it right away. Otherwise you might be holding her and she might just piss all over your arm. And then she'll have a good giggle over it.
I'm in the great state of Georgia right now--on a little vacay before a start my new job next week. Georgia is a completely different world and since I've been in New York for a while there's a lot that I've forgotten.
I'm sure there's more. But I've got some movies waiting to be watched.
I'm in the great state of Georgia right now--on a little vacay before a start my new job next week. Georgia is a completely different world and since I've been in New York for a while there's a lot that I've forgotten.
- Babies do exist. And three month olds can't sit up by themselves. Apparently you can't leave them on the couch while you go grab a soda from the fridge.
- Bootleg DVDs. My father has the largest collection of anyone I know. I've seen three movies that are currently in theaters and I've only been home since yesterday afternoon.
- Driving. I'm not very good at it. It took me an hour to get home after I dropped my brother off at the mall yesterday because I have issues with expressways.
- Cable, central air, and washer/dryers in the house are NOT too much to ask for and often come standard!
- Landlines.
- Matinees at the movie theater. I will be seeing Superman for $5.00 later this afternoon.
- Wal-Mart. The prices are the reason man. I know its a bad place but anywhere I can get the in-shower body lotion I love for $1.75, is a place that will continue to get my business. I think Wal-Mart is what just what Times Square needs.
I'm sure there's more. But I've got some movies waiting to be watched.
The 4th of July Kicked My Ass
And I had a hot Australian man in my living room for three hours and didn't make out with him.
Come on, Brandy.
So I had a big 4th of July party. It was awesome, I built a grill, and everyone had a blast. I was wasted from noon on and that's how I like to spend my holidays. We all watched the fireworks from my roof and at one point the entire roof was filled with people. There will be pictures up shortly on my Flickr stream.
Oh, and there's the HOT 22-year-old Australian HOTTIE.
Circa 2am my roommate comes back to our apartment after taking a quick jaunt to a bar with friends. She brings with her two guys. One is the hot Australian. There was lots of sitting on the couch and even more making fun of the music on my iPod. Then she and the Australian's friend head back to her room.
Let me let it be known that I was OUT OF IT. I'd been partying all day and I'd been up since 8:45am. My plane was leaving the next morning at 8:10 and the car was scheduled to come and pick me up at 6. It was now 3am.
The hot Australian was eyeing me and all I could do was be sprawled out on the couch.
"You're not going to go to sleep on me are you?" he asks me.
Go to sleep on you? You're the hottest guy that's been in my living room in MONTHS! Take me to my room, show me how you do it DOWN UNDER!!
Instead I said, "Huh? Wha? No, I'm not going to sleep. Huh?"
I was struggling to keep my eyes open and in my mind I knew exactly what I wanted to happen with this guy. But my body was not in the mood. So I said,
"Tell me a story. About the homeland."
And he regaled me with stories of his drifter lifestyle which I admired but could never do. He's been all over the world and I was totally into imagining his fine ass in the wilds of South America and/or Indonesia.
Twice, I had to get up and give my roommate condoms. Once, I had to go and puke. But I always came back and settled into the couch and listened to his fine ass accent and totally wanted to ravish him til my car came to take me to Laguardia.
But I didn't.
Eventually his friend and my roommate emerged. She looked like she wanted the night to be over even more than I did. The boys left and I gave the hot Australian my card.
My roommate and I agreed to never talk about what had just happened and also that our party-like-we're-18 time is over.
We're grown-ups now.
Only a matter of time before we only drink wine spritzers and fuck divorcees.
Come on, Brandy.
So I had a big 4th of July party. It was awesome, I built a grill, and everyone had a blast. I was wasted from noon on and that's how I like to spend my holidays. We all watched the fireworks from my roof and at one point the entire roof was filled with people. There will be pictures up shortly on my Flickr stream.
Oh, and there's the HOT 22-year-old Australian HOTTIE.
Circa 2am my roommate comes back to our apartment after taking a quick jaunt to a bar with friends. She brings with her two guys. One is the hot Australian. There was lots of sitting on the couch and even more making fun of the music on my iPod. Then she and the Australian's friend head back to her room.
Let me let it be known that I was OUT OF IT. I'd been partying all day and I'd been up since 8:45am. My plane was leaving the next morning at 8:10 and the car was scheduled to come and pick me up at 6. It was now 3am.
The hot Australian was eyeing me and all I could do was be sprawled out on the couch.
"You're not going to go to sleep on me are you?" he asks me.
Go to sleep on you? You're the hottest guy that's been in my living room in MONTHS! Take me to my room, show me how you do it DOWN UNDER!!
Instead I said, "Huh? Wha? No, I'm not going to sleep. Huh?"
I was struggling to keep my eyes open and in my mind I knew exactly what I wanted to happen with this guy. But my body was not in the mood. So I said,
"Tell me a story. About the homeland."
And he regaled me with stories of his drifter lifestyle which I admired but could never do. He's been all over the world and I was totally into imagining his fine ass in the wilds of South America and/or Indonesia.
Twice, I had to get up and give my roommate condoms. Once, I had to go and puke. But I always came back and settled into the couch and listened to his fine ass accent and totally wanted to ravish him til my car came to take me to Laguardia.
But I didn't.
Eventually his friend and my roommate emerged. She looked like she wanted the night to be over even more than I did. The boys left and I gave the hot Australian my card.
My roommate and I agreed to never talk about what had just happened and also that our party-like-we're-18 time is over.
We're grown-ups now.
Only a matter of time before we only drink wine spritzers and fuck divorcees.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Just wanted to note this
I'm planning the menu for my 4th of July BBQ and keeping a lazy eye on Jerry Springer on the TV.
I just noticed that today's show topic is "Pizza, Gall Bladders, and Bras."
Methinks that my 4th BBQ menu will have to wait.
I just noticed that today's show topic is "Pizza, Gall Bladders, and Bras."
Methinks that my 4th BBQ menu will have to wait.
Apologies
I got a new job last week and I have been celebrating non-stop since then. Apologies on the infrequency of the posts. I have an week and a half off and having fun on my mind. I leave for home tomorrow and there just don't seem to be enough six-packs in a day.
So forgive me. I have many stories to share, including My Friday In Brooklyn and My Lesbian Sunday. And since I will be in Georgia for a week with not much to do except write, play with babies, and watch boot leg DVDs, I'll have plenty of time to share.
But here's a few lines I heard yesterday while walking around that may make you chuckle. Especially if you live in New York.
(With a pretty incredible southern drawl)
"Man, I'm in New York City right now! Right in front of Coyote Ugly! Just like the movie man! And they got all kinds a girls up here!"
-Some chubs frat guy in front of Coyote Ugly on 1st Avenue and 6th Street
(Complete Chicago suburbs accent)
"Okay kids--make sure you say it like they do here--looks like 'Houston Street' like the city in Texas but real New Yorkers say, 'House-Ton.'"
-A Midwestern mom talking to a group of middle schoolers in front of Katz's Deli on Houston and Ludlow.
So forgive me. I have many stories to share, including My Friday In Brooklyn and My Lesbian Sunday. And since I will be in Georgia for a week with not much to do except write, play with babies, and watch boot leg DVDs, I'll have plenty of time to share.
But here's a few lines I heard yesterday while walking around that may make you chuckle. Especially if you live in New York.
(With a pretty incredible southern drawl)
"Man, I'm in New York City right now! Right in front of Coyote Ugly! Just like the movie man! And they got all kinds a girls up here!"
-Some chubs frat guy in front of Coyote Ugly on 1st Avenue and 6th Street
(Complete Chicago suburbs accent)
"Okay kids--make sure you say it like they do here--looks like 'Houston Street' like the city in Texas but real New Yorkers say, 'House-Ton.'"
-A Midwestern mom talking to a group of middle schoolers in front of Katz's Deli on Houston and Ludlow.
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