What if people disappeared?
Here's a fun disturbing timeline.
Friday, June 29, 2007
I's crazy for the iPhone
The iPhone looks awesome.
But I lived for FOUR WHOLE YEARS without an iPod so I think I'll be okay waiting until T-Mobile has the iPhone for $250 with a $200 rebate in a year or so. Or when Motorola or Samsung comes out with something just as good and it's free with a contract renewal and a little flirting. I love Mac but I'll gladly take a cheaper knockoff.
The iPhone release is today and rich nerds are lining the block to get a piece.
Straight from Fox News is THIS hilarity.
Way to go, guy.
Tetris Attack!
In 1990, my brother and I became the first kids in my neighborhood to have a Super Nintendo. My father is really just a 12 year old sometimes in a man's body and the man LOVES TV and video games so for as long as I can remember we've had HBO and Nintendo.
I am only good at a handful of video games. In fact I can name them: Super Mario World, Mario Tennis and Tetris Attack.
For those of you who have never heard of Tetris Attack, let me enlighten you.
There are shapes and colors and boards and cool sounds. If you want to learn how to play you have to either be a) very good at reading and following the on screen directions or b) really good at watching other people play and teaching yourself.
I've always loved any kind of Tetris game so I think I'm the one who first rented it back in 94 or 95. I got my brother hooked on it. Then my parents got into it. The four of us would spend HOURS playing each other.
I grew up and cooler systems came out and Tetris Attack gathered dust in the TV cabinet in the den. Then I was a freshman in college and looking for something in my brother's room when I came across the tangle of Super Nintendo cords. I plugged it in, saw that it worked, and decided that the game console would be the new centerpiece of my already too-cluttered dorm. My brother put up a huge fuss because he is jealous and petty and assumes that because he is a boy all electronics belong to him. My dad overruled by pointing out the very important point that Larry J already had a Playstation, a Nintento 64 and an Xbox so he didn't really need the SNES.
So I brought it with me back to Creswell Hall and within a week everyone on my hall was playing.
And playing. And playing. And playing.
At least 4 people in the picture skipped class on a regular basis to play Tetris Attack. We saw the boards in everything--the bathroom tiles, the way food was positioned on a lunch tray--we were making moves in our dreams. Tetris Attack and vodka are two of the biggest reasons for the embarrassingly low 2.9 GPA that I ended up with at the end of freshman year.
Tetris Attack lost its appeal before I went back for my sophomore year. I replaced the SNES with a Nintendo 64 and although I tried to love Tetrisphere it just wasn't the same without Yoshi and all those little guys from my favorite game. The Super Nintendo went back into the dark recesses of my dad's house and my brother's selfishness.
Last Christmas, I found it again and decided that it belonged in New York with me. I quietly gathered up the system and all my favorite games while my brother was out of the house. Of course he immediately noticed what I'd done because he's a freak like that. But I got to keep it because according to my brother,
"That thing is a piece of shit and don't even work."
He was right--it was missing a cord and is still in a suitcase behind my bed.
I put in Tetris Attack as soon as I got home. After much blowing and dusting with a Q-tip, I heard the wonderful opening jingle of the game.
I am only good at a handful of video games. In fact I can name them: Super Mario World, Mario Tennis and Tetris Attack.
For those of you who have never heard of Tetris Attack, let me enlighten you.
There are shapes and colors and boards and cool sounds. If you want to learn how to play you have to either be a) very good at reading and following the on screen directions or b) really good at watching other people play and teaching yourself.
I've always loved any kind of Tetris game so I think I'm the one who first rented it back in 94 or 95. I got my brother hooked on it. Then my parents got into it. The four of us would spend HOURS playing each other.
I grew up and cooler systems came out and Tetris Attack gathered dust in the TV cabinet in the den. Then I was a freshman in college and looking for something in my brother's room when I came across the tangle of Super Nintendo cords. I plugged it in, saw that it worked, and decided that the game console would be the new centerpiece of my already too-cluttered dorm. My brother put up a huge fuss because he is jealous and petty and assumes that because he is a boy all electronics belong to him. My dad overruled by pointing out the very important point that Larry J already had a Playstation, a Nintento 64 and an Xbox so he didn't really need the SNES.
So I brought it with me back to Creswell Hall and within a week everyone on my hall was playing.
And playing. And playing. And playing.
These are my best girlfriends from college.
At least 4 people in the picture skipped class on a regular basis to play Tetris Attack. We saw the boards in everything--the bathroom tiles, the way food was positioned on a lunch tray--we were making moves in our dreams. Tetris Attack and vodka are two of the biggest reasons for the embarrassingly low 2.9 GPA that I ended up with at the end of freshman year.
Tetris Attack lost its appeal before I went back for my sophomore year. I replaced the SNES with a Nintendo 64 and although I tried to love Tetrisphere it just wasn't the same without Yoshi and all those little guys from my favorite game. The Super Nintendo went back into the dark recesses of my dad's house and my brother's selfishness.
Last Christmas, I found it again and decided that it belonged in New York with me. I quietly gathered up the system and all my favorite games while my brother was out of the house. Of course he immediately noticed what I'd done because he's a freak like that. But I got to keep it because according to my brother,
"That thing is a piece of shit and don't even work."
He was right--it was missing a cord and is still in a suitcase behind my bed.
Then last weekend I was at a friends house and what do I see on the floor by her TV?
A Super Nintendo.
So I borrowed it.
So I borrowed it.
I put in Tetris Attack as soon as I got home. After much blowing and dusting with a Q-tip, I heard the wonderful opening jingle of the game.
I can't stop playing.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
The Color Purple
If you've never seen The Color Purple you should.
My family moved towns when I was 9. My brother was 6 and my parents thought (rightly so) that we were too young to stay at home alone. So the summers of '90 and '91 and every day after school in 4th and 5th grade, my brother and I had to stay with my dad's aunt, my great-aunt Annie Mae. She was my grandmother's oldest sister and the only person I knew over 50 who wasn't married and never had been. She lived a few streets over from my house in what I termed "the hood." My street was nice--hers left a bit to be desired--I was a very stuck up and snobbish child. Aunt Annie Mae took care of her mother, my great grandma Mamie, and her younger brother, my great uncle Billy. Billy was in his 40s but was kind of slow so it was like he was our age. He loved chewing tobacco and wasn't discreet about spitting shit out all over the place. The backyard smelled like tobacco spit and the honeysuckle that grew rampant and one learned early on to always wear shoes out there because one never knew when one would be stepping in a big wet hunk of spit up tobacco.
Annie Mae had 2 TVs. A teeny black and white one in the kitchen where she watched her stories as well as The Price Is Right and a bigger color one in Uncle Billy's room. this one had a VCR hooked to it and about 5 channels that came in on a regular basis. It was at Annie Mae's that my brother and I really got into watching Days Of Our Lives and the noon news program on the NBC affiliate called Noonday. I learned from Noonday that you sleep better with all the lights off and that lemon juice adds luster to dull lank locks.
There were 3 movies choices and they were all on the same VHS tape. Rambo, Little Shop of Horrors, and The Color Purple.
In that order.
Larry J and I both hated action movies like Rambo so we watched Little Shop of Horrors and The Color Purple so much we had them memorized. And then there were my older cousins RoJohn and Robert Jr. They would randomly show up to spend the week with Annie Mae sometimes and, being in 7th grade and 9th grade respectively and BOYS who lived in ATLANTA, they were an exciting mystery to me. They loved The Color Purple more than any other boys I'd ever met--and I think it had something to do with those scenes with Shug in the tub. Once one of my cousins told me I reminded him of Celie because he thought we looked alike. "Y'all both black and got nappy hair," is what he said.
I punched him in the mouth and busted his lip and told him if he wanted to see black and nappy he needed to look in the goddamn mirror. My brother was watching this whole exchange and because he is a backstabbing traitor, he CALLED my mother at work to tell her not that I punched my 15 year old cousin in the face but that I cussed. And not only did I cuss,
"Momma Bran used the Lord's name in vain!"
I love The Color Purple. It's where I learned what racism was--when Sofia tells the mayor's wife "Hell no," that she won't be her maid and then slaps the mayor back after he hits her--that was heavy stuff. Along with Imitation of Life and Steel Magnolias, if you are in my family, you've cried along at least 15 times. And this unbearably hot summer weather we're having in NYC right now is reminding me of all those hot summers at Annie Mae's house where we had Vienna sausages for a snack every day and I learned to love network TV and completely appreciate the cable and central air in my own home. I was doing some random searches on youtube and found what could be one of the best scenes from the movie. Hopefully you'll add it to your netflix queue if you haven't seen it yet.
This is one of my favorite scenes--when Shug finds the light and her daddy takes her back.
My family moved towns when I was 9. My brother was 6 and my parents thought (rightly so) that we were too young to stay at home alone. So the summers of '90 and '91 and every day after school in 4th and 5th grade, my brother and I had to stay with my dad's aunt, my great-aunt Annie Mae. She was my grandmother's oldest sister and the only person I knew over 50 who wasn't married and never had been. She lived a few streets over from my house in what I termed "the hood." My street was nice--hers left a bit to be desired--I was a very stuck up and snobbish child. Aunt Annie Mae took care of her mother, my great grandma Mamie, and her younger brother, my great uncle Billy. Billy was in his 40s but was kind of slow so it was like he was our age. He loved chewing tobacco and wasn't discreet about spitting shit out all over the place. The backyard smelled like tobacco spit and the honeysuckle that grew rampant and one learned early on to always wear shoes out there because one never knew when one would be stepping in a big wet hunk of spit up tobacco.
Annie Mae had 2 TVs. A teeny black and white one in the kitchen where she watched her stories as well as The Price Is Right and a bigger color one in Uncle Billy's room. this one had a VCR hooked to it and about 5 channels that came in on a regular basis. It was at Annie Mae's that my brother and I really got into watching Days Of Our Lives and the noon news program on the NBC affiliate called Noonday. I learned from Noonday that you sleep better with all the lights off and that lemon juice adds luster to dull lank locks.
There were 3 movies choices and they were all on the same VHS tape. Rambo, Little Shop of Horrors, and The Color Purple.
In that order.
Larry J and I both hated action movies like Rambo so we watched Little Shop of Horrors and The Color Purple so much we had them memorized. And then there were my older cousins RoJohn and Robert Jr. They would randomly show up to spend the week with Annie Mae sometimes and, being in 7th grade and 9th grade respectively and BOYS who lived in ATLANTA, they were an exciting mystery to me. They loved The Color Purple more than any other boys I'd ever met--and I think it had something to do with those scenes with Shug in the tub. Once one of my cousins told me I reminded him of Celie because he thought we looked alike. "Y'all both black and got nappy hair," is what he said.
I punched him in the mouth and busted his lip and told him if he wanted to see black and nappy he needed to look in the goddamn mirror. My brother was watching this whole exchange and because he is a backstabbing traitor, he CALLED my mother at work to tell her not that I punched my 15 year old cousin in the face but that I cussed. And not only did I cuss,
"Momma Bran used the Lord's name in vain!"
I love The Color Purple. It's where I learned what racism was--when Sofia tells the mayor's wife "Hell no," that she won't be her maid and then slaps the mayor back after he hits her--that was heavy stuff. Along with Imitation of Life and Steel Magnolias, if you are in my family, you've cried along at least 15 times. And this unbearably hot summer weather we're having in NYC right now is reminding me of all those hot summers at Annie Mae's house where we had Vienna sausages for a snack every day and I learned to love network TV and completely appreciate the cable and central air in my own home. I was doing some random searches on youtube and found what could be one of the best scenes from the movie. Hopefully you'll add it to your netflix queue if you haven't seen it yet.
This is one of my favorite scenes--when Shug finds the light and her daddy takes her back.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Chris used to love magic eyes
My friend Chris used to LOVE those Magic Eye books that gained immense popularity in the early 90s among dorky children. And my grandmother--she still has a Jesus magic eye poster in her room.
This pic is not a magic eye but it is kind of really cute.
And true.
This pic is not a magic eye but it is kind of really cute.
And true.
I love Pearl
So I just figured out how to post from my Sidekick AND how to post my own videos!! God I feel like a tech GODDESS right now. So in tune and hip.
But this isn't my video.
It is really funny though and work appropriate.
But this isn't my video.
It is really funny though and work appropriate.
THIS IS FROM MY PHONE!!!
I just posted this from my phone. How insane is this!!!
--from Brandy's Sidekick
--from Brandy's Sidekick
Monday, June 25, 2007
My NY Times Wedding Announcement
Brandy Crawford, 33 is finally settling. After 15 years of dating a variety of assholes, punks, and dorks, she has settled on a nondescript curly haired half Jewish boy named Josh, 23, from Syosset, NY. He has a trust fund and a semi-not-okay drug habit.
The bride never wanted to really get married but Josh was "nice enough and has good insurance. Also, I'm very into the family money. His dad is pretty loaded. And REALLY old." At 33 she was beginning to feel like an old cow. Then Josh came along last spring and thought she was a hot cougar. Josh remembers their first meeting:
"She was smoking a bong at my friend's house and I thought she was so fucking hot. I can't even believe she's fucking 33. She looks like she's fucking 19. Right? Right? Fuck!"
Three months later he popped the question and according to the bride, "I didn't have a reason not to. He's cute enough."
The lucky couple will be tying the knot away via email.
There is no prenuptial agreement because the bride is a firm believer in no bullshit.
Ms. Crawford will be keeping her name and a separate residence. She's planning on divorce in 5 years and no children because she's not crazy about the color of Josh's eyes. Just plain and brown and not what she's looking for.
The bride never wanted to really get married but Josh was "nice enough and has good insurance. Also, I'm very into the family money. His dad is pretty loaded. And REALLY old." At 33 she was beginning to feel like an old cow. Then Josh came along last spring and thought she was a hot cougar. Josh remembers their first meeting:
"She was smoking a bong at my friend's house and I thought she was so fucking hot. I can't even believe she's fucking 33. She looks like she's fucking 19. Right? Right? Fuck!"
Three months later he popped the question and according to the bride, "I didn't have a reason not to. He's cute enough."
The lucky couple will be tying the knot away via email.
There is no prenuptial agreement because the bride is a firm believer in no bullshit.
Ms. Crawford will be keeping her name and a separate residence. She's planning on divorce in 5 years and no children because she's not crazy about the color of Josh's eyes. Just plain and brown and not what she's looking for.
Haven't posted an IM in awhile
Mostly because I have to use a PC now and it's a pain in the ass to do a screenshot.
But here's something light and fun from today's conversation with Christos. He just got hip with Myspace.
But here's something light and fun from today's conversation with Christos. He just got hip with Myspace.
Found on 42nd Street
This is me--happy and chilled out.
I just got back from Dave and Busters and MY PHONE WAS THERE!!!!
I actually screamed a little when the manager brought it out.
And I almost cried and hugged him but stopped myself when I realized that could be seen a vaguely inappropriate.
I had a great weekend.
And this morning I realized I lost my phone. It could be long gone in a cab. Or it could be at Dave and Buster's where I had so much fun last night.
I flipped out and sobbed this morning but now I'm at work where such displays of emotion do more to embarrass a lady more than anything else so I am holding it together.
Please everyone pray that I find my phone.
I'm hyperventilating.
I flipped out and sobbed this morning but now I'm at work where such displays of emotion do more to embarrass a lady more than anything else so I am holding it together.
Please everyone pray that I find my phone.
I'm hyperventilating.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Holy FUCK.
And here's a VERY disturbing quote from another article
THIS is why I don't do roller coasters.
A Great Text
........message that is.
From my friend Jarret last night from the Lyle Lovett and KD Lang concert.
"So I'm at the concert...I went to the bathroom and came back to the show. I had to wait for the song to finish before I could go back in and there was one other guy standing next to me. It was Paul Simon."
So great.
From my friend Jarret last night from the Lyle Lovett and KD Lang concert.
"So I'm at the concert...I went to the bathroom and came back to the show. I had to wait for the song to finish before I could go back in and there was one other guy standing next to me. It was Paul Simon."
So great.
I found this on Myspace
And I thought it was cute.
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED LIVING IN GEORGIA :
1. Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in GEORGIA.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in GEORGIA plus a couple no one's seen before.
4. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
5. Onced and twiced are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
7. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.
8. People actually grow and eat Okra.
9. "Fixinto" is one word.
10. There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there is supper.
11. Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two.
12. "Backwards and forwards" means "I know everything about you."
13. "D'Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you eat?"
14. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you' re done or it's too dark to see.
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM GEORGIA IF:
1. You measure distance in minutes.
2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
3. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store."
4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
5. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
6. You know what a "DAWG" is.
7. You carry jumper cables in your car... for your OWN car.
8. You only own four spices: Salt, Pepper, Tabasco and Ketchup.
9. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
10. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday..
11. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm".
12. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
13. You know whether another Georgian is from Atlanta , north or south as soon as they open their mouth.
14. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as"goin' Wal-martin" or "off to Wally World"
15. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.
16. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop...it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda Coke you want?"
17. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
18. We don't need no stinking driver's ed....if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
19. You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from Georgia (and those who just wish they were!)
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED LIVING IN GEORGIA :
1. Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in GEORGIA.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in GEORGIA plus a couple no one's seen before.
4. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
5. Onced and twiced are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
7. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.
8. People actually grow and eat Okra.
9. "Fixinto" is one word.
10. There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there is supper.
11. Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two.
12. "Backwards and forwards" means "I know everything about you."
13. "D'Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you eat?"
14. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you' re done or it's too dark to see.
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM GEORGIA IF:
1. You measure distance in minutes.
2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
3. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store."
4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
5. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
6. You know what a "DAWG" is.
7. You carry jumper cables in your car... for your OWN car.
8. You only own four spices: Salt, Pepper, Tabasco and Ketchup.
9. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
10. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday..
11. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm".
12. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
13. You know whether another Georgian is from Atlanta , north or south as soon as they open their mouth.
14. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as"goin' Wal-martin" or "off to Wally World"
15. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.
16. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop...it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda Coke you want?"
17. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
18. We don't need no stinking driver's ed....if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
19. You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from Georgia (and those who just wish they were!)
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Good news
Just went out to get an ice cream cake for a co-workers birthday and I found out two things.
There is a DAVE AND BUSTER'S on 42nd Street!!!!
Ripley's Believe it or Not is OPEN!!!!!
It only takes a little to make my day.
Ripley's Believe it or Not is OPEN!!!!!
It only takes a little to make my day.
Current Highlights of My Life
- It's the sumer solstice today!! That means its the longest day of the year. I LOVE THAT.
- Time Out New York now has a crossword. (I am really into crosswords.)
- The weather outside is BEAUTIFUL
- I'm drinking an ice cold Orangina!
- I was out sick at work yesterday and I didn't come back today to a crisis
- I could possibly have a roof gathering after work
- There is a really cool thrift store I discovered near my apartment because I took a different way home.
- I get paid tomorrow!!
- I'm going to a crazy hippie parade on Saturday and to Coney Island for the first time
And I just saw this video for one of my new favorite songs.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Happy Juneteenth!!
Today is the oldest nationally celebrated commemoration of the ending of slavery in the US. So thanks to Abe here for doing the right thing. I'm really happy that I am not a slave.
I'm also happy that I live in a time that when people see this pic of me and my boyfriend:
They say, "Wow they are so cute!!!"
instead of
"Get the lynching rope Cletus--we gots some unnaturalness happ'nin!"
instead of
"Get the lynching rope Cletus--we gots some unnaturalness happ'nin!"
**Note to the federal government: Flag Day is a NATIONAL HOLIDAY. Labor Day is a NATIONAL HOLIDAY. Why is Juneteenth recognized as a national holiday in only 25 states? The whole abolition of slavery is what I would consider A REALLY BIG DEAL.
Fun show tonight!!
If you are in the East Village tonight you should just come on down to Mo Pitkens and have a good time with us and see some funny videos
It's Analog Dreamz
hosted by Heather Fink
Mo Pitkins
34 Ave A
Tues June 19
9pm
$5
One time only!
http://www.mopitkins.com/calendar/ShowPages/AnalogDreamz1.html
Click here to buy tickets:
http://www.ticketweb.com/t3/sale/SaleEventDetail?dispatch=loadSelectionData&eventId=190395
Lineup:
Presenting Videos: (4 videos/clips)
Kyle Supley
Hayes Hargrove
Brandy Crawford
The Twins!
Talent Show Performers: (6 acts)
Jake Goldman
John O Donnell
Carolyn Castiglia, Adolpho, Mindy Raf and Shawn Hollenbach
Jenny Rubin and Katina Carrao
Rob Lathan
Jen MacNeil
It's going to be fun and the video I'm showing is a gem from sophomore year of high school about the art of being effectively obsessed with the man of your dreams.
It's Analog Dreamz
hosted by Heather Fink
Mo Pitkins
34 Ave A
Tues June 19
9pm
$5
One time only!
http://www.mopitkins.com/calendar/ShowPages/AnalogDreamz1.html
Click here to buy tickets:
http://www.ticketweb.com/t3/sale/SaleEventDetail?dispatch=loadSelectionData&eventId=190395
Lineup:
Presenting Videos: (4 videos/clips)
Kyle Supley
Hayes Hargrove
Brandy Crawford
The Twins!
Talent Show Performers: (6 acts)
Jake Goldman
John O Donnell
Carolyn Castiglia, Adolpho, Mindy Raf and Shawn Hollenbach
Jenny Rubin and Katina Carrao
Rob Lathan
Jen MacNeil
It's going to be fun and the video I'm showing is a gem from sophomore year of high school about the art of being effectively obsessed with the man of your dreams.
You heard it here first.
Leonardo DiCaprio has been in town for the past few weeks filming a movie somewhere that's not the East Village. I kept forgetting that he's around RIGHT NOW and we are essentially breathing THE SAME AIR.
But I was just perusing Gawker Stalker and some one spotted him at Babbo which is where I was taken for my 24th birthday dinner.
If I see Leonardo DiCaprio there are many things that may happen.
Please only call me Lil Mama from now on.
But I was just perusing Gawker Stalker and some one spotted him at Babbo which is where I was taken for my 24th birthday dinner.
If I see Leonardo DiCaprio there are many things that may happen.
- I will faint.
- I will rush to hug him forgetting that he doesn't know me, let alone love me as much as I do him.
- I may mention to him that I have a laminated poster of him above my bed and it's his sweet blue eyes that I wake up to every morning.
- My heart will explode.
- I will beg to him to let me model my Titanic t-shirt. Yes. I have a Titanic t-shirt.
Please only call me Lil Mama from now on.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Life's Little Coincidences
I'm a huge Stephen King fan. Laugh if you must--I'm not trying to hide anything. I've read all his books at least twice with the exception of the Dark Tower books. (I HATE FANTASY.) And by far one of my favorite books by him is The Stand. Its over 1000 pages of pure entertainment. I read it for the first time in 7th grade and I still have the same copy. It's missing the cover and first 4 pages of the introduction as well as the last 3 pages of the book. But since I've read it more than 10 times, its okay.
My first Stephen King book was Carrie. I got it in 6th grade on a trip to Wal-Mart with my grandmother. My dad always gave my brother and I $20 each in bribe money whenever we'd have to spend a weekend with his mom. Her favorite stores are Wal-Mart and JCPenney. For a 6th grader, 20 bucks and Wal-Mart present a world of unlimited possibility. I got The Stand in 7th grade. It was my first gift from a boy. His name was Taylor Wingate and I didn't have a crush on him in the slightest. He was pale and pudgy with bright blue eyes and a sprinkle of freckles across a face that would look 12 even when he turned 40. We were lunch friends and he loved Stephen King just as much as I did but he had a leaning towards sci-fi and comic books that I never connected with. He had a dog eared copy of The Stand and gave it to me because he didn't think there was any sense in carting around the huge library copy when he had one that would fit right nicely into the front pocket of my book bag.
I bring up The Stand because for those of you who don't know the premise, a superflu knocks out the world's population and the remaining immune survivors come together to revive humanity. It's a Christian parable of sorts but not lame. Anyway--the onslaught of this superflu happens in early June and by the 4th of July everyone is dead.
My first Stephen King book was Carrie. I got it in 6th grade on a trip to Wal-Mart with my grandmother. My dad always gave my brother and I $20 each in bribe money whenever we'd have to spend a weekend with his mom. Her favorite stores are Wal-Mart and JCPenney. For a 6th grader, 20 bucks and Wal-Mart present a world of unlimited possibility. I got The Stand in 7th grade. It was my first gift from a boy. His name was Taylor Wingate and I didn't have a crush on him in the slightest. He was pale and pudgy with bright blue eyes and a sprinkle of freckles across a face that would look 12 even when he turned 40. We were lunch friends and he loved Stephen King just as much as I did but he had a leaning towards sci-fi and comic books that I never connected with. He had a dog eared copy of The Stand and gave it to me because he didn't think there was any sense in carting around the huge library copy when he had one that would fit right nicely into the front pocket of my book bag.
I bring up The Stand because for those of you who don't know the premise, a superflu knocks out the world's population and the remaining immune survivors come together to revive humanity. It's a Christian parable of sorts but not lame. Anyway--the onslaught of this superflu happens in early June and by the 4th of July everyone is dead.
I WOKE UP WITH A COLD TODAY!!!!!! IT'S JUNE 18TH!!!!!!
I just always thought for sure I'd be a survivor.
Friday, June 15, 2007
From Kailyn
I got this picture message today from Kailyn. She's 6 and she knows how to send a picture message.
Anyway--her birthday was a weekend ago and she got her toes done WITH DESIGNS. I know it looks like fungus but she swears it's a DESIGN and that she is a big girl now.
Here's a follow up pic of my own toes. I am a big girl but I really abhor designs on nails.
Anyway--her birthday was a weekend ago and she got her toes done WITH DESIGNS. I know it looks like fungus but she swears it's a DESIGN and that she is a big girl now.
Here's a follow up pic of my own toes. I am a big girl but I really abhor designs on nails.
This makes me throw up in my mouth a lot.
She's wearing a "purity" ring. This means that guys will know before even trying to talk to her that her pussy is locked up and Jesus has the key. But with that big huge mouth of hers......
I'll leave it to your imaginations because I don't want to think about it.
I have NO RESPECT for Everything-but Sluts.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
So ALL girls like gay guys?
For years my friends rated the guys I liked on the g-dar scale. They were either Gross, Gay, or Girlfriended.
I never agree with gross but some of the biggest crushes of my life have ended with Gay or Girlfriended.
And then I read this article. And I felt so much better about thinking Niles from Frasier was such a cutie all these years.
I never agree with gross but some of the biggest crushes of my life have ended with Gay or Girlfriended.
And then I read this article. And I felt so much better about thinking Niles from Frasier was such a cutie all these years.
I am SO glad I'm skinny
Sounds bitchy and vain but it's nice to have one less thing to worry about. Don't get me wrong--I used to have a six pack and it would be nice to have that back. But I can rock a bikini and never feel weird about muffin-top while still feasting on dehydrated cheese and dip and this makes me happy. Maybe it'll take a turn for the worst when I hit 30 but what really matters is being hot and then now. Let's worry about 30 later.
There are many hilarious things about the video below. I'll let you decide what you think is funniest.
There are many hilarious things about the video below. I'll let you decide what you think is funniest.
Finally--pictures!!!
Huge Idol Fans
Melinda-lovers
Fuck no flash.
Jordin is not as big a giant as I thought
Heather is tempted by the shoulder but knows that biting it sometimes wrong.
Yesterday I finally settled with my landlord. For those of you who don't know I've been in and out of court with my landlord for like 2 years now. These things happen when two lucky girls happen upon the Deal of the Century in the East Village. But everything is all good now and my apartment is really mine and life is good. So good in fact that I bought a new onesie yesterday. Usually when great things happen to me, I need to buy a onesie to commemorate.
So one final pic to really show how I feel:
So one final pic to really show how I feel:
Monday, June 11, 2007
My new favorite
I just happened on this show on CBS called Creature Comforts and it's hilarious. I wikipedia'ed it for you.
Mondays at 8 on CBS--I know, I know--there are shows on that channel!
Great weekend, pics to come
I put in an AC. I broke down after three summers here in the city and Saturday I bought an AC for $100 and put that motherfucker in MYSELF.
That's right. I'll put up of picture of my magnificent showmanship later on.
Also......
More to come later when I am maybe not having to do so much "work" here at my "job."***
***I'm not being sarcastic. Just really into quotes.
That's right. I'll put up of picture of my magnificent showmanship later on.
Also......
I SAW MELINDA DOOLITTLE IN THE FLESH LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!
More to come later when I am maybe not having to do so much "work" here at my "job."***
***I'm not being sarcastic. Just really into quotes.
Friday, June 08, 2007
Over it.
Jesus FUCKING Christ.
CAN WE ALL PLEASE GET THE FUCK OVER PARIS HILTON?!?!?!
CAN WE ALL PLEASE GET THE FUCK OVER PARIS HILTON?!?!?!
I don't care if she goes to jail or stays at home or sticks a chimp's thumb in her snatch. I'm sick of hearing about it, I'm disgusted that there are NEWS COPTERS circling her home. There is nothing special about her and as soon as this blows over she'll be back to being a rich bitch again and everyone will be kissing her ass. I didn't want to care about this and now I'm annoyed.
Listen up Player Haters
I just got this text from my cousin and it made my day.
Pray for me. I had a check up today. I tested positive for sexy. I'm allergic to haters. My blood type is baller and the doctor says this is why I'm hot.
(true player.)
Happy Birthday Mom!!
Today is my mom's birthday.
I just talked to her and she's not going to get wasted tonight--just going to a black tie dinner for a friend's church. She's got a dress and is on her way to the hair salon now. For my whole life my mother has had her hair and nails done weekly. I haven't had my hair professionally done in
probably 3 years now.
My mom loves Coca-cola and Salem Slim Lights. As a child I loved the way her cigarette smoke smelled and I used to get right up in her face to smell it as she exhaled. I've also never seen her with out a bottle of Coke in her hand. No diet or caffeine-free for Rose. She likes the real thing and has maybe four or five a day. she had a Jheri curl until I was maybe 9 and then she and my grandmother both shaved their heads to grow their hair back out. I was the only kid in my 3rd grade class who's mom voluntarily shaved her head. And she still looked great. I used to feel bad for the other kids in my classes because my mom was so much prettier than theirs. To this day I still think she's the most beautiful woman ever. And the great thing about her is that she thinks that too.
probably 3 years now.
My mom loves Coca-cola and Salem Slim Lights. As a child I loved the way her cigarette smoke smelled and I used to get right up in her face to smell it as she exhaled. I've also never seen her with out a bottle of Coke in her hand. No diet or caffeine-free for Rose. She likes the real thing and has maybe four or five a day. she had a Jheri curl until I was maybe 9 and then she and my grandmother both shaved their heads to grow their hair back out. I was the only kid in my 3rd grade class who's mom voluntarily shaved her head. And she still looked great. I used to feel bad for the other kids in my classes because my mom was so much prettier than theirs. To this day I still think she's the most beautiful woman ever. And the great thing about her is that she thinks that too.
My Sunday
I'm seeing Blake, Jordin and MELINDA DOOLITTLE!!!!
I know, I know--awesome.
I will take lots of pictures and I can't WAIT to see Jordin's hugeness in person.
I know, I know--awesome.
I will take lots of pictures and I can't WAIT to see Jordin's hugeness in person.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Great News
This is my next Netflix.
Last night I went to a big fancy party at the Museum of Modern Art. My dress was a hit and I discovered something that could prove to be both a blessing and a curse and that something is gin.
My grandfather was a gin man. Gin, peach schnapps, and OJ was his drink of choice and woe to the tummy of any grandkid who mistook that red plastic cup of booze for some crisp refreshing juice.
I've had a problem with alcohol pretty much since I started drinking. The first night I ever got falling down drunk it was due to my friend Caroline, a fraternity house, and a bottle of bourbon. I haven't touched the stuff since.
Then I decided that I loved vodka. And for awhile I was ok. I could knock back a vodka tonic in a hot second. But then came the infamous night at Wild Wing Cafe in Athens where I hosted a karaoke night my senior year. I drank maybe 3 pint glasses full of vodka and a splash of tonic. I took more shots of whiskey than I could count. And I woke up in my closet clutching my cordless phone and a box of Lucky Charms.
Vodka and I parted ways for a year or so after this and I moved onto merlot. Specifically Corbett Canyon Merlot--available in a huge blue bottle from your neighborhood Wal-Mary for only $6. I spent most of the summer of 2003 with a bottle of Corbett Canyon always within arms reach.
My love affair with red wine lasted until an unfortunate incident with a bottle of wine and some potato chips laced with Green. For about ten minutes I was sure I could fly. Luckily I threw up before I did anything insane and the site of the toilet bowl full of reddish purple chunks was enough to make me chuck the remaining bottles of Corbett Canyon in my cabinet and move on to a new drink.
And then it was just beer. I could drink beers for forever and notice nothing except a slight expansion of the thighs and waistline--both of which can be quickly camouflaged with the right outfit choice. (THANK YOU EMPIRE WAIST DRESSES AND SHIRTS.) And beer its been for the past few years.
Until now.
I'd never really tried gin. I had come to terms with the fact that my body just can't deal with hard liquor. So why bother trying something else out that I'll just throw up in an hour. But then I had a gin and tonic.
DELICIOUS.
The taste was so smooth and so RIGHT. It usually takes me 45 minutes to finish a drink. I was done and licking my lips in 5 with the gin and tonic. So crisp and refreshing. So incredibly TASTY.
So last night I was wearing an awesome outfit and drinking wonderful drinks, all at MoMa.
My grandfather was a gin man. Gin, peach schnapps, and OJ was his drink of choice and woe to the tummy of any grandkid who mistook that red plastic cup of booze for some crisp refreshing juice.
I've had a problem with alcohol pretty much since I started drinking. The first night I ever got falling down drunk it was due to my friend Caroline, a fraternity house, and a bottle of bourbon. I haven't touched the stuff since.
Then I decided that I loved vodka. And for awhile I was ok. I could knock back a vodka tonic in a hot second. But then came the infamous night at Wild Wing Cafe in Athens where I hosted a karaoke night my senior year. I drank maybe 3 pint glasses full of vodka and a splash of tonic. I took more shots of whiskey than I could count. And I woke up in my closet clutching my cordless phone and a box of Lucky Charms.
Vodka and I parted ways for a year or so after this and I moved onto merlot. Specifically Corbett Canyon Merlot--available in a huge blue bottle from your neighborhood Wal-Mary for only $6. I spent most of the summer of 2003 with a bottle of Corbett Canyon always within arms reach.
My love affair with red wine lasted until an unfortunate incident with a bottle of wine and some potato chips laced with Green. For about ten minutes I was sure I could fly. Luckily I threw up before I did anything insane and the site of the toilet bowl full of reddish purple chunks was enough to make me chuck the remaining bottles of Corbett Canyon in my cabinet and move on to a new drink.
And then it was just beer. I could drink beers for forever and notice nothing except a slight expansion of the thighs and waistline--both of which can be quickly camouflaged with the right outfit choice. (THANK YOU EMPIRE WAIST DRESSES AND SHIRTS.) And beer its been for the past few years.
Until now.
I'd never really tried gin. I had come to terms with the fact that my body just can't deal with hard liquor. So why bother trying something else out that I'll just throw up in an hour. But then I had a gin and tonic.
DELICIOUS.
The taste was so smooth and so RIGHT. It usually takes me 45 minutes to finish a drink. I was done and licking my lips in 5 with the gin and tonic. So crisp and refreshing. So incredibly TASTY.
So last night I was wearing an awesome outfit and drinking wonderful drinks, all at MoMa.
Life is good.
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