And I'm just now realizing what that means. A decade has passed. I didn't really notice the significance of a decade when I was 18. There was all the hoopla over the century change but I didn't really get it.
Now I think I do. 10 years changes a person.
In the fall of 1999 I had just started college and for the first time in my life I was in control of my own life. I could stay out as long as I wanted, I could eat Lucky Charms for lunch, I could walk around in bare feet (we had an "always wear houseshoes" policy in the home of my youth) . I even had my own checking account. My goals then included convincing my parents that they did want to pay for spring break taking as few classes as possible while still qualifying for my Hope scholarship.
Fast forward to 2009. I'm 28 and I've been living in New York for 6 years. Somewhere around 26 I realized that life is very different from what you believe when you are young and dreaming. I noticed recently that I don't write in my journal as much. I got my first diary when I was 7 and I consistently kept a journal until around 25 or 26. My high school journal entries were full of the (well written and heart filled) ravings of a very self-centered and very naive girl. It was all about me--my parents were so unfair to me, why didn't my crush like me back. Looking back I can see that my parents overprotectiveness is what got me through high school--god only knows what would have happened if I'd discovered how much fun partying is at age 14. And my crush? Well he was gay and dealing with his own self image issues that I can't even imagine. And yet there I was being a typical kid and thinking everyone's out to get me. And there was the usual, "When I get my big break I can't wait to get out of this town." and "When I'm famous, they'll see" But that When was still so far away.
But around my mid 20s that When started being my now. I remember playing pretend with my cousins and saying that oh of course by 25 we will be married and have kids. Oh my god, I used to say, I never want to be an old mom. And then somehow I was 25. And kids and a husband were the last thing on my mind.
And now I'm 28 and 30 is breathing down my neck and I'm all at once amazed and afraid because a whole decade has passed and I remember graduating from high school like it happened a few months ago. Yet I know I'm a totally different person than the girl who rang in the year 2000 wearing a hologram patterned dress watching Ten Things I Hate About You with her high school best friends--just pizza and cokes and lots of laughing.
Aging is a crazy thing. I hate that I see those crazy realistic war video games set to punk rock soundtracks and think, "God the stuff the kids today have." Or when I'm talking to Kailyn and she mentions a song she loves on the radio and I've never heard it. She's young and doesn't know how to mask emotions yet so I always hear the slight annoyed sigh in her voice when she explains to me that no it's not the same as Lil Wayne. It's the same tone I get with my grandmother when she asks for the tenth time, "What do you mean the at sign? What's the sign called?"
Also I might add that I started the decade with a Nokia bar phone--one of the ones you could change the faces on--I had a blue one and a silver one. I usually left it in my car glove compartment and when I was giving my number out to guys I would have never thought to give him that number. I'd never sent a text message and my email address was mostly for show.
I'm ending the decade with a Blackberry that's permanently attached to my right hand. I'm constantly checking email and I actually get annoyed when people call me instead of text me. I would never in a million years consider having a landline. (Stop trying to convince me Time Warner I don't want your triple play!)
Funny what 10 years can do to a girl.
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