This made my Friday

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Thanks Toby!

New favorite show alert

TLC has done it again.

This time the show is Toddlers and Tiaras and I don't know about you but I am openly fascinated with crazy pageant people. It's on Tuesdays at 10 and I was watching it this morning while getting ready for work and ended up being late.

IT'S INSANE.

A few amazing lines:

From a self-proclaimed pagaent dad says, "If you want to fix a flat tire, ask my wife. If you want to win a pageant come to me." And on his 2 year old daughter, "She has such a competitive spirit."

The pageant director is borderline pedophilic. It's a woman who's obviously single and says things like "We are a glamour pageant--we love the bling and the jewelry and the rhinestones on the girls. We love sparkles and we love fake eyelashes." Not sure who this "we" is but I never want MY little girl around her.

And then there are the insane mothers. Who ALSO compete in the pagaent.

Toddlers & Tiaras: Stacey's Skinny Outfit
Uploaded by TheDlisted

This outfit makes her feel skinny.

Don't have much time to post

But I can't even believe this.


It's not a joke. There's a sketch here. There's DEFINITELY a sketch here.

Sometimes God listens.

I am always fooling around with getting my hair to do that bumped up-beehive thing and after months of practice I finally feel good about my method. But every time I would be in the mirror trying this and that determined to make myself look celeb-like, I would always think--God why can't there be some kind of clip that could make this easier?

Ask and ye shall receive Brandy Crawford.






Ask and ye shall receive.

That's PRESIDENT Obama now

It's done!! He took the oath!! There was no shooting!!!

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA!!!!

I'm not off

Another MLK Day and I'm the only black person at my company and I'm not off.

I'm not bitter.

Just saying.

I want to go to DC for the inauguration

But I think it will just be too much of a hassle for me to get down there and witness history. CNN has me all freaked out that there will be way too many people and law enforcement may or may not go insane. And I don't have any tickets to any awesome parties or anything so I'd basically just be going to get wasted with my college friends who just moved there and hang out in the cold. It's history, I know I know, and I LOVE OBAMA (even with some of the questionable choices he's made recently--I'm willing to forgive the Rick Warren thing but I'm in a minority with a few of friends on that forgiveness), but I hate cold weather and I HATE huge unmanageable crowds.

But every time I open my inbox I have an email from something Obama related telling me that I'm missing out on history and giving me a huge guilt trip. If I'd known that donating to this historical presidency would result in this constant barrage of emails about how I have to stand with America and Obama on inauguration day in DC, I would have thought twice about how much I REALLY wanted that Obama t-shirt that was my gift for donating.

Who am I kidding though--if I didn't have my writing class on Sunday and I had won tickets to the thing from Chuck Schumer in the lottery I would be leaving for DC today.

But I'm happy to be celebrating here in New York with my coworkers--I found out yesterday that we will be closing up shop and heading to a bar to watch it happen. And I'm sure NYC will be out in full force and I'll check in on Wednesday January 21st with several stories about the Obama-crazed who will be hollering for joy in the streets when Barack takes that history-making oath.

A plane just crashed by my job

HOLY SHIT.

My whole job just went up to the roof and we could see the tail of the plane through the buildings as it was being towed. No injuries reported but the pic on NYPost.com of all the passengers standing on the wings of the plane as it floated down the Hudson in 18 degree weather....well that's really scary.

And it was caused by a flock of geese.

Also--the kind of plane that crashed was the kind of plane I just flew twice--to and from Georgia.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.


It's so scary when I am reminded how fleeting life is.

I LOVE CHELSEA HANDLER

She has almost usurped Tina Fey and Kathy Griffin to be my number 1 fav funny lady. Chelsea Lately is the only late night talk show I regularly watch AND I even got her book--it's called "Are You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea." Even though I'm not really too much of an alcoholic, her stories are hilarious and well written and I think she's bomb. I also want to send in a pic of Madisyn for her cute little nugget segment at the end of her show. Madisyn is the cutest lil nugget there is.

Perez Hilton was on her show a couple of days ago and I hate him as much I love her. (It kills me inside that I still check his site on the regular but I can't HELP IT sometimes.) Anyway--her interview with him is great--I love it when that slimy motherfucker gets put in his place.




But who am I kidding--Tina Fey is still my number one. My roommate works with her oon 30 rock so I kind of feel like I know her even though I don't and have only met her like maybe 3 times. I treasure those 3 times. Although I don't treasure the fact that when my roommate introduced us the first time she said, "Tina this is my heterosexual life mate Brandy." Sometimes she thinks saying things like that is funny. It's not.

I would have preferred the introduction to go something like, "Hey Tina this is my roommate Brandy and she's a really talented comedy writer and would like for you to be her mentor."

One day.

POOR GUNTHER!!

I'm home with a stomach bug, and it really sucks.

But at least I'm not like poor Gunther here.

PS: I will never judge you if you read this and kind of laughed.

2 other things that also made my day

1. She by Sheree is going to fashion week.

2. NeNe is getting her own show!!!


If you have no idea what I'm talking about YOU NEED TO WATCH MORE BRAVO.

I love the Mary J thing NeNe is trying to get going but.....I'm also laughing at the model-ly-ness of this lil photo shoot.

This made my day

I woke up this morning to a 4th straight day of no heat and hot water so needless to say I'm not in the best mood.

But there's nothing like cute Asian kids to get me smiling again. Thanks for sending Stacy!!

So much new TV!!!!

One of my New Year's resolutions was to not watch so much TV. But I'm not going to be able to help it because look what's coming up in the next few weeks!!

• Season premiere of Nip/Tuck--if you don't watch this NETFLIX IT NOW. This is probably one of the most addicting TV series ever. There's always something insane that happens. And when I say "insane", I mean "out-of-control-crazy-who-the-fuck-writes-that-of shit-AMAZING".
• The Real Housewives of Orange County. Bravo I love you for the Real Housewives franchise. I love every minute of every cast and NY is back on Feb 17th!!!
• The Real World Brooklyn. I keep watching in order to hopefully relive the awesomeness that was Real World San Fransisco, Real World Seattle and/of the wonderful Real World Miami. Real World Hollywood was pretty good so I have a good feeling about Brooklyn. Also I can't believe this show has been on for so long.
• New chapter of Heroes starting up in February. It's looking like they are really trying to make the show great again so I'm hanging in there. I believe.
• The Bachelor. I know I know. It's so so bad. But it's also so so hilarious. Watch an episode and I promise a part of you will be hooked--you may not need to watch it every week but you'll need some single-dad Jason in your life.
• Damages. The previews just look SO good so my roommate and I put it on DVR. And I have a secret lady crush on Glenn Close.
  
• American Idol--I said I was over it but I have a feeling I will be watching. I love singing!!

Also I saw some movies over the break that I'd like to recommend if you like watching things you don't have to think about:

• The House Bunny--HILARIOUS. I thought the preview looked like hell and that Rumer Willis being in it would MAKE it hell but Anna Faris delivered and cemented her place in my heart as one of my fav comedic actresses. It's actually got a pretty cute script and story and I loved it. "Eyes are the nipples of the face."
• Prom Night--the remake. I know it's kind of random but I kind of really liked this movie and it was even a little scary. If it's ever on TV you should watch
• Baby Mama--everyone said it sucked. I thought it was completely innocuous and I definitely laughed a few times. Amy Poehler and Tina Fey can do no wrong by me so even if the movie was just them sitting around writing things on postits I would still give it a thumbs up. Also my roommate got that Playstation that they used in the movie because she worked on it and we play American Idol karaoke quite a bit.

If you were thinking about renting the XFiles movie--don't. It was really bad and I'm still kind of upset and wildly disappointed with it.

I too am obsessed with Gossip Girl

Props to the smooth movers in this clip.






I love Gossip Girl and I've been with those rich bitches since episode 1 of season 1 and I've never missed a Monday with Blair and Serena. I love the inanity of the storylines and how they always manage to hook me. Vanessa and Chuck? OMG? But WAIT Vanessa and NATE?? WHAT?? God so many surprises. I love that Chuck only whispers and I loved when Serena shows flashes of the old Serena. And I love that they all just go into bars and order stiff drinks. I guess 16 is the time to indulge in dirty martinis on the regular. Thank god its back on tonight.


xoxo


Baby Brown

Did Judy Blume make this?

Because the motion is eerily similar to the little exercises that Margaret and her friend did in Are You There God It's me Margaret. And you didn't need any kind of hot pink rod. Remember? "We must, we must, we must increase our bust." I did this exercise a lot in middle school when all I wanted was to be a 34B.

Also when I looked up the Easy Curves commercial I found this in the sidebar--god I love youtube.

Happy New Year!!!

I was in Georgia for a week and kind of took a little blog writing sabbatical.

Christmas was fantastic. My dad redid the house I grew up in and I can't even believe the amazing job he did. He could be on HGTV. (God I love HGTV) My little ladies, Kailyn, Amme and Madisyn are still as adorable and hilarious as ever. Kailyn is 7 now and kind of not such a little kid anymore. She is on the dance team at school, she's a cheerleader and she's reading chapter books. Her big girl teeth have grown back in the front so she even looks different. I was hanging out with them one night and another tooth fell out while we were playing Tea Party"

"Mom!! Oh mh GOD! Mom my tooth just fell out in my soup!!"

Her mom Kari is in the kitchen cooking dinner. "What? What the hell? What soup are you talking about?"

Kailyn gestures to the pink plastic bowl in front her. "My IMAGINARY SOUP! I just took a bite and my tooth fell out!"

Madisyn is so cute it's insane.

Amme has taken Kailyn's title of Kid Who Says The Funniest Things. For one she doesn't say "me" she says "ma" so she kind of sounds like she is from the islands. We're not sure where she picked this up from because no one in our family is from the islands. So Amme and I we were discussing Santa and she brings over a doll she just got:

"Hey Bran you like ma doll?"

"That's a cute doll Amme did Santa bring that?"

"Yeah--but not brown Santa. Brown Santa doesn't bring ma good dolls. I like white Santa."



There's not much to say to that--white Santas are much more prevalent than brown ones so she's kind of of got a point.

I loved being back in Georgia. There's something about getting behind the wheel of my car and just letting my instincts drive me. Well....I was a tiny bit pissed at my car--

The day after Christmas I was on I-75 running about 70 up to my cousin's house. It was cold out and rainy. About half way there the driver's side window just came on down by itself and wouldn't go back up. So I was doing 70 on the expressway with cold rain spitting in at me. And then I get to the road near my cousin's apartment and there's a roadblock. I immediately start to panic because although there's really NOTHING in my purse it really wouldn't do to have my shit checked out. I pull up to the roadlblock my window already down and my left side pretty much soaked. I give the cop my license and I can tell he WANTS to be an asshole but everything is legit. He hands my license back to me and says, "You know that expires soon."

"Yeah, March 28th is just around the corner," I reply and then I drive off and thank the lord that I don't have to deal with racist Henry County cops in my everyday life.

So now its 2009. Ten years ago I was a senior in high school. Now I am a New York woman who just renewed her East Village lease for year 4 AND finally bought a wonderful new showerhead. January 2nd marked my 5th year in New York City. Can you believe it? I came here with $2000 in my bank account, one person I knew in the city, and a ridiculous amount of optomism. I have a lot of plans for 2009 and I hope you'll trust me when I say that this blog will ACTUALLY be updated on the regular (never kill me I know I've said this before but I MEAN IT this time--it's a New Year!). I also hope to be performing more and just getting the word out about Brandy Crawford in general. We're in a recession and in these uncertain economic times, I'd like to brighten up the dreary "I have no money and I will never have that ipod touch" landscape with cute and irreverent anecdotal stories about my little slice of life that might make you laugh and also warm your heart a little.

So tell your friends who haven't heard that brandycrawford.com is the place to be in 09.