PS that candy you bought is cursed

Those Crazy Christians who hate fun are at it again.

Yes this is real and you can read about it here.

I'm not one of those people who gets insane about Halloween but I do like to dress up. I never have the patience to think up something super creatively awesome and I'm okay with that. This year I'm going to be a geisha. I read Memoirs of a Geisha back in June and then put a calendar notification in my phone for October 1st because I knew I'd never remember. I wasn't trying to be a sexy geisha but the kimono I fell in love with is on the short side and when I get the obi action going, I'm pretty much all leg. But isn't that what Halloween is about? Girls get to dress like their inner slutwhore and guys have one night only to ogle all they want. My whole problem is that I'm already very much in touch with my own inner slutwhore and I don't need a holiday to justify my wardrobe.

My building shakes

And apparently only my roommate and I notice it.

She says she feels it more in her room but I feel it loud and clear on the couch in the living room. The whole apartment just kind of shakes a little. Not enough to make anything move but enough that I notice it happens.

Whenever there's company over and it happens I always mention it and I'm always met with the same slightly questioning stares that make me question my sanity. So I just want to get it out there for the record, that yes, my apartment shakes sometimes. And also for the record--I'm over it.

In unrelated news, I knit a hat today while watching The Jerk--what a great way to spend an hour and a half. It was rainy out and cold but I was inside in a Slanket knitting and laughing and warm. It's actually fall now--this weekend was full of that awful spitting cold rain and a constant need for thick socks and rain boots. It took a lot for me to leave the apartment at all so I hope my brother and dad appreciate the birthday gifts I traipsed around the LES and Soho for on Saturday.

The rainy weekend did bring me the unexpected gift of discovering the Essex Street Market. I've been in before but just did a cursory go round once. But on Saturday I actually looked around at what they had to offer. I went just a little bananas buying produce because the deals were so great. I spent $5 and got enough vegetables to make delicious side dishes for a week. I had to slow my roll because my arms were already full with shopping bags from birthday shopping but when I see deals like eggplant for 49 cents a pound something inside me just goes off and I can't leave without buying. I love feeling like I'm paying 1984 prices.

And some things I'm into right now that are interesting and fun:

• Lady Gaga is going on tour and I will pay whatever it costs to sit up close and personal when she plays Radio City in January
• My current favorite song. Regina Spektor, Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift are my current musical obsessions. If you're thinking about hating on Taylor Swift get off your pretentious soap box and listen to this and give the girl some props for writing a great song.
  
• I can't stop watching House Hunters. If I'm watching TV and I see that it's on, I can't not watch it. I just NEED to see which one they pick!
• Yes, I want to see The Stepfather. Yes, if the weather hadn't been so gross this weekend I probably would have seen The Stepfather and I'd be giving you my critical assessment of it. Damn the weather.
  
• Glee (favorite moment here) is the best show on TV. Followed closely by Dexter and 30 Rock. Speaking of 30 Rock I went to the premiere party for the season opener on Thursday and it was a really fun night full of free food, free drinks, and my roommate proclaiming to me but speaking loud enough for the bar to hear, "I LOVE THIS BARTENDER--HE'S IRISH!!! DID YOU HEAR HIM TALK?? BRANDY HE'S IRISH FOR REAL!!!"
  
• I kind of love Twitter more and more each day. Follow me.
• The 1st Seinfeld-Curb episode was amazing. Find a way to watch it. I think the 2nd comes on tonight. Thank God for on-demand
• I bought a bag of frozen dumplings from my favorite dumpling place on Hester and Essex. It's a real testament to my powers of resisting temptation that I haven't eaten said whole bag.
  
• I sent Kailyn a copy of Lady Gaga's CD and she's already choreographed 2 dances to Poker Face and Starstruck. I'm reminded of my days with my aunt's copies of Salt-n-Pepa and En Vogue. It makes me miss being 8 years old and having nothing else to do all day except make up dances to my favorite songs.

A trip to Crazy Town

I'm pretty sure that the reason Christos and I have stayed friends for so long is because we both subscribe to the same kind of crazy. Both of us are back in the single world now and our time away has caused us to forget many things about these little love games we play with potential new mates. It's been almost 3 years since I really dated anyone and technology has improved so much in that time that there is officially no reason for a potential date not to get back to me ASAP. Because I know and he knows that EVERYONE CHECKS THEIR PHONE ALL THE TIME.

I love Bridezillas

There are just so many moments during the show that I say to myself "oh my god she's totally serious right now". I don't get that same thrill with scripted television.

A few choice lines to illustrate my point.

"She's a little bitch. And she's always been a little bitch since she was this high." -- Alcoholic aunt of the bride re: the bride.

"The bachelorette party was f...fun. The club was banging. It was hot. Lajune brought it harder than anyone can bring it. Like hard....like a rock hard." --Drunk bridesmaid who the bride referred to throughout said bachelorette party as "Hey Tubby!"

Newlywed husband to bridezilla: "How many people do you know call their friends fat bitches?" Bridezilla: "I called them big bitches."

And this is all just from last week's episode. Bridezillas is one of those shows that just keeps appalling me every single time I watch. So I have to keep watching. Bravo marketing strategy, I fell right into your out-stretched arms and set a season pass on my DVR. There are a couple of shows in my life like this, the best example being Toddlers and Tiaras.

Just when I think one mom is the most awful human being on earth another mom comes along that makes the first one look like a saint and gets me to thinking that well that other mom only spray-tanned her kid. The flippers (fake teeth to hide an imperfect and natural 6-year-old smile), the $1000 bejeweled dresses, the little girls who have the faces of mini-well=preserved- 38-year-olds, and of course, their moms who insist that if Bayleigh Brianna wanted to quit she could just say the word but you know what she's really saying is as long as Bayleigh Brianna lives under her roof that cute little face of hers is going to be winning pageant money. And I just saw an ad for a new show called Platinum Babies, by the same people who brought us Platinum Weddings. Sometimes I hate the "Hey Look How Rich We Are!!" shows, especially the ones about kids because I feel it somehow cheapens my own middle class youth. I thought it was such a big deal to go to Shoney's and get my own plate at the salad bar when I was 8. On Kid Cribs they already have their own second homes by 4th grade as well as 2 cars. But who can resist the urge to watch and judge--my false sense of justification stems from the belief that everyone knows poor people were put here to judge the rich.

And an aside: I've been making TV more of a reward thing recently because I felt I was watching too much of it. My DVR was having a shit fit with the amount of programming I needed it to hold. So I made some very heartwrenching cuts (Grey's I'm so sorry I just can't this year) and then I gave myself a rule that my inner parent will need to enforce: If the TV is on I can only be watching DVR'd programming--no more aimlessly surfing the hundreds of channels and flipping back and forth between an extreme surgery show, House Hunters and This Christmas. I also made a second kind of rule/promise to myself that I would only get to watch said DVR'd programming if I had written something productive. So far I'm doing okay with this but I have to say it's so hard to not aimlessly watch TV. I just love flipping the channels. I always have. (Kind-of-embarrassing extra aside: my parents were very strict and we didn't get out much so during the summers when we were young like maybe 11 and 8, my little brother and I would plan out our day using the TV Guide.)

PS this doll existed.

Mattel thought this was a good idea back in the long ago wild days of 2006.

I was referred to as an Oreo for most of my middle school years by many of my black classmates and a couple of white ones. There comes a point where the insults don't matter anymore but I have to say when I saw this doll I felt like I was 11 and that bitch in my gym class was giving me shit again. I could almost hear her saying "What does the Oreo think about that?"

But then I remember the look on her face when she came back to the locker room to change that one afternoon towards the end of 6th grade and found her clothes stuffed in a poop filled toilet. I don't get really pissed often but when it happens--watch your shit. Literally.

Hot off the G-Chat presses

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It's hard out here for pimp who's trying to get some stuff done!

In a nutshell: I didn't get the PIT scholarship but I was really happy with my performance and the whole thing was a fun time and I'm glad I went out for it. I hate not winning but I'm not as crazy as I used to be as an overachieving teenager so after I didn't get it I was calm and collected. Work is bananas but bananas in a good way and I shouldn't even be posting from work but sometimes....well sometimes a girl just needs to post. And...my fridge broke but is fixed now. Phew.

And this is from a gChat I had with Christos a little earlier. Throughout the day I get heated about many different things since as a reflex when my mind needs a break I read either HuffPost, Dlisted, Gothamist and Gawker. Today I was most heated about Comcast buying NBC and Michelle Bachmann being an idiot...again. Also coming into play in the Gchat below is me remembering things I learned in my Media Management class junior year of college.