brandy crawford.

I need to talk about House Hunters

2010-07-13T23:28:00.003-04:00

I am addicted to it.

There I said it. It's out.

I’ve had this addiction since college but I only really recognized the severity of it since I got cable. Which I’ve had now for 3 years so…I’m kind of obsessed.

It comes on HGTV which if you don’t know is an AMAZING CHANNEL. I love home shows. It’s the housewife in me I suppose. I always want to be cooking, cleaning and watching house shows. WHO AM I? God, I think maybe it's being 29. In any case, I just love looking at new houses and newly decorated spaces. Some people like UFC, I like House Hunters. And now they have House Hunters International which is ALWAYS worth a watch even if you’ve seen it before. Looking inside houses in other awesome countries? IN HD. It’s really quite fabulous.

At one point there was an Asian host – Suzanne Whang. She’s didn’t do anything but introduce the person/people buying the house and make little VOs that consisted of describing the house and making a clever pun every other sentence – examples being: “This place has a backyard that ready for action but a basement that's not quite ready for primetime.” She not physically in any of the newer episodes but her VO is still going strong.

The format is just the easiest thing on earth to not think about. Person/People buying a house. They have 3 choices. They chose one. I have seen it so many times I know the order of things by heart – (it’s a secret dream of mine to one day produce at House Hunters). Intro the couple. They have a shitty living situation and can’t wait to move. Tour of said shitty place. Expectations of their potential dream house and the budget that they are really trying to stick to. Real estate agent on the phone making a deal. Real estate agent saying that the neighborhood the people are looking at is really nice and will definitely be at the top of their price range but said real estate agent is always confident they’ll find something. First house tour – usually 2 things are GREAT and maybe 2 or 3 things are kind of wrong. Sometimes obviously wrong and I’m like what? As in a couple will be like “We really want outside space for our 2 dogs” and then the agent shows them a condo in a highrise with no yard. Commercial break. And we're back with a recap of the 1st house in case you just tuned in and then on to the 2nd house. Commercial break. Recap of first 2 houses then the 3rd house. Then a recap of all 3 houses using more clever word plays on behalf on Ms. Whang. She’s a big fan of the question, “Or will it be a budget BUSTER?” Commercial break. Recap of all 3 houses complete with fun names for the houses like “#1 – Cozy but Noisy” and “#3 - Great commute”. The couple or person gives the pros and cons after each. Then there's a big pause and they say “And the one we chose is….” Ta-da! Cut to some time later when they are moved in and its great because I LOVE BEFORES AND AFTERS.

So there’s House Hunters for you. It's really great on weekday nights when you get home around 1am.

Last night I went to the Monster Ball

2010-07-09T00:08:00.002-04:00

And like Lady Gaga asked me to, I let my freak flag fly.

Once again she put on an amazing show. I went with my concert buddies and we had the best time EVER. Yes we were standing for 4 hours and yes I got woozy and slightly naush towards the end but held it together enough to do the Bad Romance dance. The bottom line is Lady Gaga puts on a GREAT SHOW. It was the Monster Ball and basically it's where I always want to be. You can wear what you want, you can be what you want, there's no judgement and last night I felt like 18,000 other people totally GOT that. I went relatively low key with my outfit choice - gold sequined hotpants and a bow belt but Christos went all out aka complete with face mask and disco ball hat and I'm sure that's why we were asked by the Oprah Winfrey Network producers of a Gaga doc to talk about why we were there and what Gaga means to us.

I've done my fair share of preaching the Gaga gospel so I won't go into it again - if you don't know by now you probably just don't want to know. But you will want to enjoy the pics here

I got really emotional at the end of the show - she was taking her bow with the dancers and she just looked so happy and she was crying and that just set me off. We were all doing the monster claw and she was totally crying. And in that moment I felt like I knew her and that she was my friend who'd made it. I know - insane - but if you're reading this and you're a Gaga faan you'll understand.

In unrelated news, here's a list of things that are on my mind recently:

Kraft mayonnaise just did a brand re-do and it's now know just as Mayo. I feel like this is offensively lazy and kind of in one word describes the world we live in today.
I love the show House Hunters and will be writing a blog post about it soon. I actually already wrote it but if you must know, it was really late at night after a really fun night and sometimes I type in code when I write when I'm in that state. Chalk it up to oops - I'm currently decoding that and will be posting soon.
I have learned and successfully implemented the following from Googling in the past month: how to cook clams and mussels in a delicious white wine garlic sauce, how to shuck oysters, how to make ice cream
I bought an ice cream maker and it only makes half a pint. Aka it's amazing and perfect and takes up no space because you store the bottom part in the freezer and the top part is small. So far I've made chocolate, strawberry, vanilla and salted caramel. They all came out okay except the chocolate and the salted caramel were more Frosty. But still delish.
I still can't stop watching Toddlers and Tiaras. It's in season 3. I don't know if it's because I actually enjoy the show or if I'm just enjoying feeling like a really good person compared to the horrors they showcase in that series
I wish True Blood was on everyday. I also wish that Eric would ask me to invite him in.
Shellfish is changing my life - my next challenge is cooking a whole lobster.....UH-OH. I'm glad I just took the plunge and tried it - I was really nervous with my first batch of clams and mussels. However no one died. And then today I decided to learn to shuck oysters and guess what? It's not that hard!! I did it and I didn't cut myself at all. I even bought an oyster knife - isn't that so adult? Next thing you know I'll have a melon baller and a microplane (oh wait I do.)

Lately I can't stop cooking and cleaning. I swear to god it's like I walk thru my door and I turn into a single housewife. But now I just can't sit and watch TV if I know the floor is dirty in the kitchen or there's dishes. Is this was being on the brink of 30 does to a lady?

Barcelona was AMAZING

2010-06-17T23:16:00.004-04:00

I have 700 pictures.

I'm working on getting those ready for public consumption.

There's so much to say about Barcelona.....I had a great traveling partner, an amazing place to stay, and I met so many cool people! I sang Lady Gaga for people who thought I was a real singer. I danced the night away at a club on the beach and watched the sun come up from the dance floor. I went to Mallorca and ended up in a Catholic parade through old town Palma. Also in Palma - Stacy heard Gaga from 2 blocks away....we followed our ears and danced our way into a bar where we made all these new friends. We had the good fortune to be staying with an old friend who is not only a really fun and awesome person, but also has a really great friends who made our trip really great. I couldn't have asked for a better trip. Great shopping, great weather the entire time except our last day, amazing food. The only weird part was that there are no black people there and I got A LOT of looks. Luckily I love being stared at so I ate that shit up with a spoon and pretended I was a celebrity. Also I wore a different onesie every day....I didn't know life could be so good.

As I said - photos to come. I'm actually having to organize them. But here are a few of my favs:

Gaudi.

Stacy, myself, and our lovely hostess Erin

GLORIA!! (con brandy)

I hate heights.

We're in the parade!

2010-05-26T14:13:00.003-04:00

I leave in 4 days!

I haven't packed! Or learned Catalan Spanish!

Honestly though, I am so excited. Stacy comes to town on Saturday and we're going to have a fantastically awesome New York weekend. And then we're off to Spain for 2 weeks!

Here are some pics of things I will be enjoying.

Also if you're around tomorrow I'm going to do some dancing and some standup at a really fun open mic. It's run by Hi Christina - if you've never been to one of their events you're really missing out. I have been going on the reg and Xtos and I usually premiere our newest Gaga dances there. Jonesing for some youtube footage of the amazing dance moves and floor work? Maybe you'll get lucky and we'll post some later tonight.

Hey look! A blog post!

2010-05-06T16:32:00.005-04:00

Quick or you'll miss it!!

Just kidding.

I'm still here.

I'm not feeling especially verbose so let's do some lists:

LIST ONE:

Things I'm Into Right Now

being skinny (somehow 15 pounds have evaporated and.....its GREAT....and I'm still taking every meal with a side of sour cream....THAIINKYA)
The sale that's happening at Top Shop. I bought 5 things including 3 dresses and a onesie for $23. ALWAYS KEEP YOUR STUDENT ID.
Twitter
writing new jokes
My trip to Spain that happens in 3 weeks and counting
my job
Richard Lawson at Gawker
The Vampire Diaries - IAN SOMERHALDER IS A GOD AMONG MEN.

LIST TWO

Things I Hate Right Now

The oil spill
Justin Bieber's hair
everything about Kim Kardashian
everything about Heidi Montag
Facebook - let's all just agree that IT SUCKS ASS
Anytime between 1pm and 3pm
Firefox on my work PC
Sarah Palin
PCs in general
people who leave voicemails instead of texting

LIST THREE

Music I Like (and if you know what's good for you, you will give a listen to)

Jes Hudak - her EP National Holiday is what my piano pop dreams are made of
B.o.B. - he sounds like Andre 3000 but slightly whiter. But he's black. Best track I've heard so far is Magic - it's B.o.B and Rivers Cuomo and if you don't dance while listening, your heart is too black for me to try and heal
The song "Big Girl Now" by New Kids on the Block ft Lady Gaga. This song makes you NEED TO MOVE IT.
"Money Can't Buy You Class" - its like this amazing drag anthem that actually has no idea its a drag anthem. The lyrics are priceless and the singer? The Always CountLESS Luann from the Housewives of NYC
The newest Christina Aguilera - let's get something straight: I LOVE GAGA but Xtina has been doing the damn thing since 99 so I think the comparisons need to stop. Xtina's got the voice, she's got the moves and she's not trying to be anything that she isn't. AKA I LOVE HER AND PEREZ HILTON CAN EAT SHIT AND DIE.

And that.......was a blog post.

Feel free to google all the things I just talked about since I am a bitch and didn't link anything.

Lots of love,

Brandy

Bragaga website!!

2010-04-27T16:13:00.002-04:00

I made a beautiful new website to showcase BRAGAGA!!!!

Go take a look.

NOW.

xoxo,

Brandy

Finally got a webcam

2010-04-14T21:48:00.002-04:00

.......and used chatroulette.

FYI: I'm over chatroulette

Honestly though

2010-04-13T14:49:00.002-04:00

WHY CAN'T I BLOG???

Sorry it's been so long. Bitch been busy. I love being busy and I hate being busy. I also love that I just bought a pasta maker that's akin to the playdough Fun Factory and I can't wait to be home tonight making fresh noodles!

I know I always promise to write more later. This time I'm mostly for real.

But also know that if you just can't get enough of BRandy Crawford you can follow me on Twitter!

Bragaga was amazing.

2010-03-28T20:26:00.005-04:00

I was out til 5am last night and now here I am, officially 29.

Bragaga happened and was such a success! Everyone who came dressed up and that was the best birthday present I could have gotten. And to top is all off, my brother is in town and two of my best friends from college flew up.

I've been working on my costumes for 2 months and I felt great in all of them. The party went better than I could have ever hoped - everyone was dancing, the DJ was fantastic and the venue was perfect.

I lost count of tequila shots but managed to stay on my feet and dancing til 4am which made me feel both young and awesome. I've so far spent my actual birthday in my apartment with a various assortment of friends watching a varied assortment of television programs, aka my favorite way to spend any day.

Here are a few pics of Bragaga and some albums here and here.

Wish you were there!!!

Kailyn and Amme are amazing.

2010-03-22T10:22:00.001-04:00

How do they know how to make and email videos to me?

BECAUSE THEY ARE MY LITTLE GENIUSES THAT'S WHY.

Enjoy.

BRAGAGA IS IN A WEEK!!!

2010-03-21T23:06:00.001-04:00

I can't even believe it!!

My party is next Saturday and I'm actually in the thick of making my costumes but wanted to let everyone know a few things:

1. Yes there will be lots of pics of Bragaga - there is actually someone come to take amazing pics

2. Yes there will be video of Bragaga - the fashion show, the dances, the magic. There will be video.

If you are in NYC next Saturday 3/27 come to Bragaga!!! YOU WILL BE SO HAPPY YOU DID!!!

Back to work for me!!!

Gaga does it again

2010-03-14T21:10:00.001-04:00

Real blogpost to come but for now enjoy

TELEPHONE by Lady Gaga

It's a little nsfw so just remember: "I told you she didn't have a dick."

I live to dance

2010-03-02T23:23:00.002-05:00

And also, unrelated, I just mastered my new sewing machine.

BRAGAGA is in 25 days and there's much to do costume wise to prepare. I'll be undergoing 5 costume changes and I'm pretty much making all 5 costumes from scratch. I bought a sewing machine and tonight I got down to business. Earlier today I got pattern paper from Mood and felt very Project Runway. Then with the HBO TV movie Temple Grandin in the background I did something I haven't done since middle school - I drew. With a pencil. On paper. Then I cut. And pinned. And then after staring at the sewing machine manual for what seemed like an hour, it finally clicked and I started sewing.

Oh, and I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. (PS I won't be posting pics because if you want to see the costumes you have to COME TO BRAGAGA)

Is this what it was like in the olden days when women were only good for cooking and sewing? What joy! I am so into the whole housewife thing but I don't really want the husband or the kids. So I guess I just want to be unemployed and somehow not broke but able to sew and cook to my heart's content.

But back to dancing.

I love to dance and surprisingly, I used to be really embarrassed for anyone to see me do it. All through high school I only danced in the privacy of my bedroom because I thought my moves were lame and not black enough. (Not being "black enough" is a recurring theme from childhood to be discussed in subsequent blog posts and probably therapy for the rest of my life) My family made fun of me frequently saying I had no rhythm and I'm a natural klutz so I kept my dancing private. Once we were all doing the Tootsie Roll and everyone else did the butterfly part so well and my legs just wouldn't move like that and hahaha there's Brandy trying again.

I did theater through my teens so I did dancing then and I would do silly dances with my friends but I never really busted a move because I didn't think I was good enough. Then college came and I was around people who had no idea about my lame moves. My first night out on the town was at this incredibly awful club in Athens called AMF but at the time they let 18 year olds in and looked the other way when said 18 year olds placed their orders for a few rounds of some Sex On The Beach. I was with some girls from my hall who would eventually become my best friends but at the time they were strangers. Strangers who had yet to make fun of my voice or anything else about me. In fact, they were strangers who thought I was the cool one. So we went to AMF and I danced for the first time in front of other people. The Vengaboys song We Like To Party was the current jam du jour on the Athens club scene and I rocked it out to every line and found that I didn't give a shit who thought I looked stupid. I was having fun and that's what mattered. To me at least.

So now I dance. I still don't have the best moves. But I have my moves. And if there's good music playing I will bring those moves out until it stops. And then I'll put on my iPod and dance some more. I dance at my desk sometimes, I dance when I walk down the street. When the music moves a betch, it moves a betch.

In kind of related and kind of not news: I looked at my top 25 played songs on my iTunes and it's all Lady Gaga with the exception of Hard by Rihanna and Million Dollar Bill by Whitney.

I just can't stop being obsessed. #Oops.

(Get hip with the trending # - it's getting to a point that with some of my friends, one in particular, our convos consist of nothing but #this and #that. And guess what? #iloveit)

Oh....my family STILL makes fun of my dancing. But I do it anyway. You only live once and I think you should dance for as much of that life as possible.

A Rant Addressed To People Who Think Having A Baby Makes Them Awesome

2010-02-18T12:41:00.005-05:00

Recently it's come to my attention that some people in New York who have babies think they are better than me. They think that since they made the decision to have kids and I made the decision to be child-free that this makes them somehow just a teeny bit more awesome than I am.

Um.....no.

Here's some bullet points you should have a deep think about the next time you start to think your baby is so great:

No one cares about your kid. Sorry. I know you are thinking "But my baby is so wonderful. Emma is so smart - already knows her colors." No one gives a fuck about Emma and her colors. I have a beautiful niece named Madisyn and I think she is the prettiest thing on the planet. But I don't expect everyone else to think that. So please remember - you think that Charlotte is just amazing. The average viewing public can't tell Charlotte from Jacob.

Bars are not for children. EVER. Adults come to bars to get wasted. Bars are places where being inappropriate is the norm. It's okay to say fuck and bitch and even cunt if you are looking for a fight. Your kids should be in a play group. Not whining about how they want more sprite mommy while I'm having my third shot of tequila. I never want to hear a child's whimpering as I take a drink. I have lived for almost 29 years - I should be able to have a drink at a bar without worrying about offending your kid. Why? BECAUSE YOUR KID SHOULDN'T BE IN A BAR. Why don't you flash foward 20 years to the therapy you're going to have to pay for little Emily because your idea of a good time was to take her out to different bars in Brooklyn and yell at other patrons for being a bad influence on the perfection that is your child.

Not all babies are cute. In fact most babies aren't cute. People only tell you they think your baby is cute because its a response that usually will make the parent shut the fuck up fishing for compliments.

Big strollers suck and make non breeders automatically assume when they see a mommy with one of these tanks that said mommy is a selfish bitch since she obviously are okay with her Mini Cooper sized stroller taking over the entire sidewalk and she gives mean looks when someone forgets to hold the door for you at Pier 1 because said someone is on her cell phone talking happily with her single friends about the crazy trouble they will get into on Friday night and how happy she is to be in her 20s and having the time of her life. Sorry if she didn't have time to hold the door for you. Can't win 'em all.

Never think you are better than someone just because you have a baby right now. Why? Because in about 14 years you're going to have a teenager.

Don't get me wrong though. I'm ranting but I don't hate your kids. In fact, I mostly like all kids. And yes your kid is special. To you.

So never assume that they have to be special to the whole world. That's something those little motherfuckers have to earn.

Funny stuff

2010-02-11T07:16:00.003-05:00

I decided this year that I will start doing comedy again. I wasn't feeling inspired but now I am and I'm ready to be on stage again. Last night I watched a great doc on Showtime about the evolution of black comedy and after watching it was kind of like "Of course I need to be doing comedy. What am I sitting around for?" I don't have dreams of selling out huge arenas but the thought of making even just a few people laugh warms my heart. Seeing the men and women who came before me who gave me the chance to sit around and wonder do I want to or not--amazing. I am a black woman who can choose for herself whether or not she wants to get on stage and if I choose to do it, I can. I can perform in front of a mixed audience at a club like Comic Strip NY or Caroline's because people like Dick Gregory and Moms Mabley went through some hellish circumstances to get blacks out in front.

I feel removed from the civil rights movement sometimes and I think a lot of young black people my age feel the same way. I've felt the cold sting of racism but I have never been immersed in it. It's a passing thing - a mean cop, a cashier at the grocery store who doesn't want to touch my hand. For a flash of a moment I feel what so many must have felt back in the day But I've always had white friends and felt a little out of place in the black world. That probably has to do with my voice. I have a white voice and although now it's fine and I've accepted it, from ages 7 to 13 it wasn't fine at all and I got picked on alot. Oddly enough, I was picked on by black girls which has led to black girl "issues" that I still have today. I was never "black" enough for them. I liked to read, I liked to do plays, I liked coming to school. These were all the wrong things to like and the scars from those mean old bitches saying stuff to me like "Why you trying to be white?" and "you ain't never gone have no black friends talking like that. WE don't want to hang out with you." When I meet a black woman today, I have to immediately tell myself, "Bran, you're a grownup - she's not making fun of your voice."

I don't look back on those years that sadly though-I made some really great friends and from them I learned that it doesn't really matter what the few say. My friends liked me. And by the time high school started, those girls who were mean to me in my preteen years were getting pregnant and dropping out like flies. I hate when stereotypes are reinforced but in the case of those betches.....I was okay with it.

One of my biggest comedy fears is doing comedy in front of an all-black audience. I kind of close up inside thinking about it. It's like I already assume that people will hate my voice and think my comedy is cheesy. I know right? Where's that Brandy Crawford confidence? The Brandy Crawford who doesn't give a shit and always thinks she's the prettiest and the funniest? Well I'm trying to get that Brandy to come out and send nervous Brandy packing. My newest goal is to perform at a black comedy show this year and at least get a couple of laughs. That's all I'm looking for. Seeing all those amazing black comedians in the doc last night made me so proud - Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy and Robin Harris and Redd Foxx are some of my comedy inspirations. My parents loved black comedy and they passed on that love to their kids. We were always watching Richard Pryor be insane or Eddie Murphy cussing up a storm. I watched so much Eddie Murphy standup in elementary school, I could quote it on demand to my friends at school. (Which was fun because there was so much cursing). I still think that Robin Harris is one of the funniest comedians of all time. His humor reminds me of my dad and I learned everything I know about comedy from my dad - he's the funniest man I know - black or white. So much of my childhood was spent laughing.

Here's a clip of Robin Harris doing some funny stuff. If you haven't heard of him, get thee to youtube. You'll laugh a lot - I promise you.

I've been watching a lot of comedy in the past few weeks trying to figure out where I fit in. I'm not vulgar, I'm not self deprecating, I don't hate men, I like my body and for the most part I'm pretty happy in my life. I'm lonely sometimes but it's a good lonely....I have the rest of my life to be married and have kids. This time now - this time is for me. So I'm not your typical comedian I suppose because I love myself and I don't want to get on stage to fuck with people,. among other reasons. I just love laughing and I love sharing my human experience. What I like most about comedy is when I tell a joke or a story and I hear a surprise laugh - a laugh that says to me "Oh shit girl, that happens to me too!"

My little monsters do Gaga

2010-02-05T12:37:00.003-05:00

Enjoy!!!

Fav parts - everything Madisyn does, Kailyn's complete concentration, and Amme's dance with the chair.

LOVE MY GIRLS!!!

Brandy Crawford's Standup is NOW ONLINE

2010-02-01T23:19:00.006-05:00

I did it!!

Finally!!

After 2 weeks of getting really frustrated and giving up!!

I posted my comedy online!!

Here are 2 videos for your enjoyment.

I figured out how to compress. Yay google!!!

So watch this and maybe laugh a little for me? This is my newest short set and I did a couple of new jokes. Hope you enjoy!

PS

2010-02-01T13:44:00.002-05:00

I promise to stop blogging so much about Gaga. There is actual other stuff going on in my life.

Including the fact that I hate Youtube. I have been trying to post my standup for like a week now and it just won't upload. It's hard for me to not throw my computer into the wall and then throw up on it everytime it gets to 1 hour remaining and the upload cancels.

I'm trying to be strong.

But seriously.

I hate youtube.

Watch this now.

2010-02-01T13:41:00.002-05:00

Gaga. Elton. Grammys.

PERFECTION.

In other news, Gaga and I have the same birthday so I'm having a kind of ridick amazing costume ball on 3/27/10. I have a location. I have a DJ. I started buying pieces for my 5 (at least) costume changes for the night of.

BraGaga 2010
The Little Monsters Costume Ball
3/27/2010
NYC

It's going to be OUT OF THIS WORLD.

Invitation to come!!!

Last night Gaga changed my life

2010-01-22T10:45:00.003-05:00

What an amazing show. And you know what? Amazing doesn't even do justice to what the Monster Ball at Radio City was for me last night.

First off, we sat second row and I can basically never see Gaga again unless I am that close. It was out of control fantastic. GAGA AND I MADE EYE CONTACT AT LEAST 3 TIMES!!!!! She looked so great and so real. And the bitch SANG EVERY SONG. She sounded...god what other word can I use besides amazing?

I attended the concert with the fabulous Yasmina, Brian and Christos. I couldn't have asked for better concert buddies. We each danced and sang along to every song. ALL FIFTEEN OF THEM. We got there ten minutes before Gaga went on and let me tell you--when you sit in the front rows you get MUCHO RESPECT from ushers. I was LOVING IT. I didn't see any celebs by us but we were literally 2nd row CENTER. Talk about the best seats ever. I WAS IN ONE.

She sang every song that I love with the exception of Paper Gangsta and I was okay with that one being omitted. I like to think of Paper Gangsta as me and Gaga's song and I was glad she didn't share a live performance with everyone.

One of many awesome things she said:

"This is a free place - a place for my little monsters to be themselves"

I have never felt more free in a place. Gaga fans are so great because to be a Gaga fan you have to be accepting. So there was no "omg her dress is gross and what is that headband?"It was "this place rocks!! Hey girl!! GAGA FOREVER!!!"

Here are some pics because words can't really describe. Click here for the photo album and here's some of my favs below.

4 little monsters on their way to the ball

Want your bad romance

Watch your heart when we're together, boy's like you love me forever

show me your teeth.

She left me speechless.

If you haven't bought the album The Fame or The Fame Monster - buy on Sunday 1/24 from ladygaga.com. Everything sold from the website that day will go to Haiti.

She's so fucking amazing.

Thank you Gaga. Thank you so much.

Just hear me out.

2010-01-19T22:57:00.003-05:00

I love pop music. I always have. In 3rd grade I was so obsessed with the New Kids on the Block I literally prayed every night that their tour bus would break down on my street. Because of course that would logically lead to them staying the night in my house which naturally results in Joey M and I sharing a room and those prankster bandmates of his putting us in a "French kissing position" so that in order to break apart we'd have to....french kiss.

But anyway....I've always loved a bubblegum beat--I like songs that make me smile and make me want to walk a little faster because maybe there's a party around the corner.

This brings me to my current obsession and her name is Gaga. I just don't understand people who can't get behind her. The Fame is an amazing album and The Fame Monster.....Gaga is actually otherworldly. I used to pride myself on not buying a CD unless I liked at least 3 tracks. I actually love all 23 songs she's put out. Even the ones I don't outright adore, I don't skip in my All Gaga playlist.

I wasn't a fan at first. I liked Just Dance--no one can deny: it's a really fun song. Poker Face was catchy and made me want to dance. But I still thought she was weird and contrived and a drag queen. Then came Paparazzi and that crazy ass video and a little monster (gaga for "fan") was born. Something about the Paparazzi hook really resonated with me and I suggest for beginning Gaga fans that you start with Paparazzi from the Fame and Speechless from the Fame Monster. Speechless is maybe one of the best songs ever. Period. It's hard to listen to it and not be touched and I can't think of another song that triggers that kind of emotion in me except for maybe Yesterday.

I don't really talk about music often because for most of my life I've always caught shit for the music I listen to. The black kids made fun of me for listening to Celine Dion and the white kids thought I was lame because I didn't like Radiohead. I can't even really say definitively that pop is my genre of choice. Because while I adore it, I also really like jazz and country and gospel and rap. But now I'm a grownup and I'm much more comfortable in my own skin and I could give a shit if someone doesn't like the music that I like.

But I really feel the need to spread the word about Gaga.

She's just so refreshing. She keeps her personal life private and I think that's really awesome. I love her songs, I don't need to know who she's fucking. I feel like she's just about her music. Gaga is Gaga not Stefani Last name I don't remember. And her songs are really fantastic. It infuriates me that DJs don't play more of it. You can put on a mix of The Fame and The Fame Monster and you have a dance party--just hit play and shuffle. If you haven't learned the Bad Romance dance you should get on it because it's maybe this years Macarena. And I don't know about you but after the demon that was 2009, I think 2010 needs a Macarena.

So while I'm on the "let me tell you a thing or two about music sonny" kick here are some other albums you should have a listen to:

Rihanna - Rated R: I think that they're saying this album is getting bad reviews. Well "they" are full of shit because this album is amazing. I think it's Rihanna being kind of raw and saying to hell with it, I'll do what I want and I love that. It's also an amazing breakup album especially if you were the one who got screwed. Key tracks are Hard which is so empowering and makes me feel like I can kick so much ass and Cold Case Love--her voice is so well suited for this song, I don't know if it will ever make it to the radio but I think it's some of the best singing I've eveer heard her do. Fun dance tracks are Rude Boy which should a gay bar anthem already and Rockstar--you can't not move when it's on and feel like a badass. My top fav track is Fire Bomb. It shows the crazy and I love the crazy.

Ke$ha - Animal: I've shouted out to Kesha before but I will do it again because this morning I listened to an NPR interview with her and she said she was in the marching band, unprovoked. Anyone who admits they were in marching band without specifically having been asked is Good People. I've had her album for a couple of weeks now and I'm nowhere close to being sick of it. Her songs are really catchy and really funny. My top tracks are Take It Off--this song makes me want to be drunk and dancing on a table in a bar that smells like tequila, Stephen--named for the actual boy who dissed her, this one is ballad-ish and hilarious, and Animal--because it reminds me of a prom scene in an 80s movie when everyone realizes, "This has been such a great night and we have our whole lives in front of us guys!" And of course everyone knows Tik Tok. Is it wrong that I let Kailyn and Amme watch that video so many times? They loved the song. Kailyn asked me, "Bran why does she brush her teeth with Jack? Is Jack like Crest?"

And lest you think that I'm up too high on my music snob wannabee horse, my first CD and still one of my favorite CDs is a little album called Breathless but a pretty suburb saxophonist named Kenny G. And I'm not afraid to let the world know about that. I think Kenny G is the bomb and I do recall on many occasions saying that I'd love to have him play at my wedding. And at any other important event in my life which may or may not include 2nd and 3rd marriages, birthdays, and "I just need a little soprano sax music" days.

Favorite track below.

(No I'm not kidding.)

So let's give it up for pop in 2010. I hope that Gaga is setting the bar for new artists and I know that her 3rd album (to be released later this year) will be something totally new but still incredibly awesome. Official fan for life right here.

Oh and ps TOMORROW I AM SEEING HER LIVE AT RADIO CITY IN THE SECOND ROW.

That's right--you read that right SECOND ROW!!!!!!!

Beyond excited and sometimes when I think about it I have to stop because I can't breathe.

afternoon surprise

2010-01-14T23:25:00.004-05:00

So I moved to a new desk at work today. I was in the middle of unpacking all my former cube stuff into my new cube and listening to my Gaga/Ke$ha/Rihanna playlist on low when I feel a big chunk of snot come out of my nose. I grab a tissue and blot. I then see that it's not snot. It's blood. And now it's pouring out of my nose. The tissue was soaked. I run to the bathroom praying that no one sees me with my bloody hand over my nose. It was sick. There was blood in my mouth, in the hand. Thank GOD it didn't get on my shirt or jeans--just my Wal-Mart uggs. I make it to the bathroom with no one seeing me (I hope) and there I preceded to freak the fuck out.

I do not get nosebleeds. In fact, I can't even remember the last time I got a full-on nosebleed. And no I haven't done in nose candy treats--if I had I wouldn't be blogging about this OR freaking out about it because I would have been like goddamn that eight ball. So I freak out because I'm not a person who ever really gets sick even. Embarrassing confession: I had perfect attendance from kindergarten to graduation. In my old age, I've been prone to colds more but at most I'm out for only a day or so.

So I freaked out and I'm just going through paper towels like they're made of air or something. I'm positive that I'm going to die and all I can think is, "I can't believe I'm going to bleed to death at work. This is such a surprise." It was so scary. And since I was freaking out I did was any freaked out youngish single adult in New York would do.

I called my roommate.

Her advice was to just tilt my head back and calm down because "people get nosebleeds Brandy, it's okay." Then one of my coworkers came in and was so super nice to me--she went to the kitchen and got me ice and napkins and suggested that I lay on the couch in the bathroom with my head back. "I have an 8-year-old--this one is not that bad." I'd like to note that since I am so completely unfamiliar with what to do in a nosebleed situation, I'd never even thought of tilting my head back or laying on the couch. I was hyperventilating instead and staring at my crazy bloody face in the mirror and explaining to the girl washing her hands when I burst in that I was not contagious or anything and that I promised to clean up any spilled blood.

I never want to have another nosebleed again.

Especially not at work.

In unrelated but important and sad news if you haven't already and you can, please donate to the Haiti relief effort. I don't even know how to feel about what's going on down there. It's like to feel sad just isn't enough.

And for the record, the terrible things that awful conservative assholes have been saying about it make me want to believe in the crazy evangelical Christian version of hell.

In happier news, thanks to everyone who came out to the show last night!! It was a really good time and I felt good on stage. God I love having a microphone in my hand.

Don't call me Gaga. Call me Yaya.

2010-01-10T12:03:00.006-05:00

Basically in 2010 I am turning into a Greek Yaya. That's foreign for Grandma. All I want to do is knit things to keep people warm and cook large meals that involve me being in the kitchen for at least 3 to 4 hours. I want people to come over and I have this need to feed.

Yaya Crawford

I can't say that I mind. I've always enjoyed cooking but I was a recipe whore. I needed to follow the recipe exactly or I would be freaking out. Somewhere in the last few months, I've stopped using recipes and somehow I now just know how much salt is too much or how much oil is too little. I live for the Essex Street market. The thought of a dozen large eggs for $1.49 and eggplant for 49 cents a pound--these are things that make my heart leap for joy. I bought a really nice stock pot at Macys and literally thought I was going to lose my shit in the Cellar. All I wanted was EVERYTHING that Martha Stewart makes.

I made 6 of these over the break.

It's Sunday and I'm going to be making a big meal today. I don't know what it will be yet since I had quite the crazy night and I don't think I can realistically leave this couch for another hour at least. But it will be a meal partly in celebration of Sunday and partly in celebration of committing another year of my life to my current apartment. My roommate and I just decided to sign our lease for another year together. That means year 6 of Brandy in Alphabet City starts in March. It's crazy to think that I have been with my roommate for SIX YEARS. This is longer than I've lived with anyone ever and I'll tell you the secret to a longlasting roommate relationship:

You have to be able to talk or not talk for hours. And be okay with that. My roommate and I can sit on our couches for hours watching TV and being on our computers not saying a word to each other. The best relationships are with people you can be comfortably quiet around.

Here's what else is going on:

I have a comedy show on Wednesday!! If you are in NYC you should come! It's at Comic Strip Live on 2nd Ave btn 81st and 82nd Street. Starts at 830--let the person at the door know you are here to see Brandy Crawford!!
Ke$ha. I downloaded her album this week and I recommend you do the same. It's only 6.99 on itunes and it's a REALLY fun hour. She's a crazy young party girl and she warms my heart. With lyrics like "I threw up in a closet and I don't really care" and "Just turn around boy and let me hit that" how can you NOT have a good time while listening? She is currently beating Gaga in the charts and while you KNOW my love for Gaga isn't going anywhere, I am having a full on affair with Ke$ha.
GAGA IS IN 13 DAYS. I bought a new dress. I know the Bad Romance dance like I know walking. IT'S GOING TO BE AMAZING.
Did you buy the Fame Monster yet? Get on that.

And here are some pictures from the Gaga photoshoot I did with Kailyn and Amme and Madisyn. Just know that this is only the tip of the iceberg with the cuteness

I have a computer again!!

2010-01-04T23:02:00.002-05:00

And can I say that getting this baby back was a really emotional experience for me. I turned it on at Tekserve to make sure that it was working and when she powered up and made that mac sound that says "Hi I'm working!"....I almost lost it.

I know now how parents must feel when they see their kids after awhile away.

So she's back and the keyboard is great. No trace of baby vom. I also find it a little strange that the guy at Tekserve told me he's never had someone come in who had baby vomit damage. I guess it makes me feel a little special that every employee was grossed out by my poor comp and probably had to draw straws to choose who had to work it. Little did they know it would be totally clean because I'm the one who had to clean up the computer, the baby AND the couch and carpet. Infinitely worse than wearing plastic gloves to replace a pop out keyboard.

But anyway. The important thing is that they did a great job with my biohazard of a computer and I am very happy to have her back in my life.

There was a vom problem.

2009-12-30T10:43:00.000-05:00

I'd love to write more but I'm blogging on work time so I have to be short.

Here's my Christmas in bullet points that will hopefully explain why I haven't blogged about my christmas yet:

My roommate and I hosted out 5th Annual Holiday Happy Hour. I have a lot of pics and you'll find out in another bullet point why you aren't seeing them
Had a fantastic flight home and hung out with my little monsters all day--Madisyn can talk now, Kailyn and Amme are obsessed with Gaga and they all LOVE TO DANCE
Saw my best friend from ages 9 -18 for the first time in almost 10 years. It was like no time had passed at all
On Christmas Eve I babysat 4 kids ages 8, 5, 18 months and 8 months. The 18 month old (Madisyn) threw up on my computer and the delete and enter keys ceased to function. I managed to not hyperventilate and die on the spot. How could I when pour Madisyn was covered in her own vom and kept saying "sorry Mommy. I sorry Mommy"
Christmas was fantastic. I have a new stepmom and stepsister and the transition went smoothly. I saw all my family members from both sides and I wore my newly tailored Zac Posen and looked really skinny. It was a good day
Kailyn and Amme reenacting to the entire bad romance video
The Doodebug/rape incident (way funnier than it sounds and it deserves its own blog post)
It was so great to see everyone including my newest cousin Bella (just wait--you will die when you see her and HATE my family for producing one stunning looking kid after the other.
Finally, after not freaking out and calmly cleaning barf from the upper right hand side of my ibook keyboard, I took it to tekserv as soon as I got back to the city yesterday. At first a very mean girl there told me it would cost a shitload of money to repair. But then I took it to the service guy and he made my world a better place by charging me $121.
I won't have a comp back until Monday so that's why you won't be hearing from me probably until the new year.

HAPPY END OF 2009!!! The best quote I've heard so far describing this year comes from a friend of a friend's facebook status: "2009 was possessed by demons"

So let's hope no one else dies before January 1st!!

Happy New Year!!!!! Can't wait for 2010--I have a lot in store and you're going to be VERY happy you read my blog and knew me when.